Poem

My Addiction-Explained

another day

I look in the mirror

still the same

no more hair than yesterday

block out the pain

as I watch myself

put on the makeup

under which I try to hide

the disguise can’t erase

the shame and embarrassment

this self-torture

brings upon me

I try to control my hands

that ravage destruction

on the few fragile lashes

that dare attempt to grow

in a war with myself

two pieces forever fight

no rest, no hope

in my self-made pain

I am a prisoner trapped within

I try to get free but

have no control as I am

pulled back by an invisible force

remission never lasts

always fall back

an endless cycle of

devastating hair pulling

twelve years

I have struggled

to overcome this addiction

much more than a bad habit

my compassionate compulsion

inviting misery and good pain

lies all lies I tell myself because

I cannot control this obsession

continuous treatment

therapy, doctors, MRIs

more medication than

I ever knew existed

nothing ever seems to help

no matter how hard I try

still I cannot break free

from this part of my life

haunted by alienation

like I’m some kind of freak

no one seems to understand

people say “just stop”

search for answers

strength, a way to

overcome this monster

that I hate

to the outsider

it seems so simple, but

it’s a complex disorder

called trichotillomania

~2006

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