Category Archives: Balance

Conflict in Relationships

img_5156Any type of stress, anxiety, anger, or conflict makes my pulling worse. It is a self-soothing behavior that helps me calm down and often dissociate from my feelings. Over the past few years, I have been working to use helpful strategies that help me relax without pulling my hair (which only leaves me feeling worse in the end).
As a high stress person, I have suffered with anxiety for most of my life. It still plagues me at times, but I have learned strategies to calm my mind and body. Taking a quick break from the situation, praying, practicing deep breathing, and trying to find a more positive outlook are some simple tools that have helped me.

If I catch myself being negative or getting stressed out, I try to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. In the past, I would catastrophize my situation. Now, I can identify those feelings and look for the truth.

  • Are my concerns based on truth?
  • Can I do anything about this?
  • Is there a more positive outlook I can strive for?
  •  If the worst case senario does play out, is it really that bad?

Beyond my stress and anxiety is anger that can cause relationship problems. The following article presents 3 ways to create conflict (and therein, 3 ways to avoid it). I know I am guilty of these and am making it a priority to avoid them. Reducing conflicts in our relationships, greatly increases our overall well-being.

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Three Sure Ways to Create Conflict

By Rick Warren

“Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (Proverbs 20:3 TEV).

Wise people are peacemakers, not troublemakers. Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder. They’re not always looking for a fight, and they don’t intentionally antagonize other people.

The fact is, if you’re around anybody for any length of time, you’ll figure out what that person does that irritates you, and you file that information in the back of your mind as a tool to use when you get in an argument. It becomes a personal “weapon of mass destruction”! When you get in an argument, and that person says something that hurts, offends, or slights you in any way, then you pull out the big gun. You push the hot button. And it works every time!

You know what the Bible calls that? Foolishness! You’re not getting any closer to the resolution. You’re not helping the relationship. In fact, you’re hurting it. It is not wise.

Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (TEV).


We all use tools, tricks of the trade, and skills in relationships that are actually counter productive. They’re hurtful, they’re harmful, and they don’t get you what you want out of relationships. In fact, they get you the exact opposite behavior. But when we lack wisdom, we use them anyway.

There are many of these tools, but here are just a few:

1. Comparing. Never compare your wife, your husband, your kids, your boss, or anybody else, because everybody’s unique. Comparing antagonizes anger.

2. Condemning. When you start laying on the guilt in a relationship, all you’re going to do is get the exact opposite of what you expect. It doesn’t work. It’s foolish.

3. Contradicting. William James, the famous psychologist said, “Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook.” There’s some stuff you just need to overlook.


The Bible says in Proverbs 14:29, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (TLB). Have you ever said or done anything stupid out of anger? Yes? Because when you get angry, your intelligence goes out the window. When you get angry, you say and do foolish things that are actually self-defeating.

Did you ever think about the fact that there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When you get angry, you are in dangerous territory. You are about to hurt others — and yourself — with your own anger.

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Trich Thinking Vs. Recovery Thinking

This is a post that I read on the UK Trichotillomania Support Site which originated at a site called Daily Strength and I have to emphasise is not my own, but it is a great thing to refer to:

Trichotillomania Way of Thinking vs. Recovery Way of Thinking

1. T: I have to pull out my hair. R: I can do some thing else that is positive.

2. T: Pulling out my hair is fun. R: What is fun about being bald?

3. T: The white/kinky/thick/whatever hairs must go. R: All hairs are good hairs. I need them all for a healthy head of hair, etc.

4. T: I’ll just pull out one hair. R: This is a lie trich tells me. I can rarely just stop at one hair.

5. T: When I get that itchy or “trich sensation”, I have to pull my hair. R: I can wash my hair or scratch my head instead.

6. T: It’s ok to use the mirror to find good hairs to pull. R: Why would I want to pull out my hair and create more bald spots? I will stay away from the mirror and temptation.

7. T: It’s ok to use tweezers to get those small hairs. R: Again, why would I want to pull out new growth and create more bald spots? I will use my tweezers for the unwanted hairs only, then put them away.

8. T: When I’m stressed I need to pull out my hair. R: I can take deep breaths, meditate or go for a walk to relax my body, or I can destress with a nice bubble bath. I can do so many other healthy things to relax my body instead of pulling. Pulling really doesn’t help me to feel less stressed any way, because I know that by pulling I will be creating new bald spots. Everyone has stress in life. I must learn to be with my stress with out pulling out my hair.

9. T: When I’m bored I need to pull out my hair. R: Can’t I think of some thing more fun to do than pull out my hair when I’m bored? Why not do a hobby, a sport, a puzzle, a craft…any thing but pulling!

10. T: When I’m tired I need to pull out my hair. R: I can go to sleep instead. How many times do I stay up way past when my body tells me that I am tired, only to start pulling out my hair? I must go to bed!

11. T: When I’m depressed I need to pull out my hair. R: I can get help for my depression from a psychiatrist and/or therapist. Pulling out my hair will only increase my depression, because I feel sad when I have bald spots.

12. T: I have to make both brows look the same. R: Symmetry is not important. New growth is! In time, once my brows have had a chance to come back, both brows will look the same. By trying to make both brows even, I risk pulling more than I want to.

13. T: Now that my hair is filling in, I can lose a few hairs with out any noticeable damage. R: No I can’t! Once I start pulling, I have a hard time stopping. A few hairs a day over time will still lead to bald spots. Small or large amounts of pulling are both dangerous behaviors.

14. T: I’ll quit pulling tomorrow. R: You know what they say…”Tomorrow never comes!” I will make today the day that I stop pulling.

15. T: I can play with my hair this time with out pulling. R: Touching my hair leads to playing with my hair, playing with my hair leads to pulling. I will keep my hands down!

16. T: I love to play with the hairs after I pull them. R: Playing with the hairs only reinforces my trichotillomania, so I must not do this. I must break the trich rituals in order to be free of trichotillomania.

17. T: Some day my trich will go away, until
then I will continue to pull. R: Trich is for life. It will not magically go away. I have to work at my recovery in order to break free of this disorder.

18. T: I can learn to live with this longer hair, even if I am pulling right now. R: When I am pulling, it is hard to stop. I must cut my hair short so that I can get a break from the pulling. I have no urges when my hair is really short. I won’t risk more damage to my hair, which will take longer to grow back.

19. T: My hair will grow back, so I can pull out my hair today. R: Just because my hair will grow back doesn’t mean that I can keep pulling. Why would I want to postpone my regrowth and my recovery?

20: T: I’ll keep on pulling until I see significant damage in the mirror. R: It’s not ok to keep pulling! Any damage means that it will take longer before I get all my hair back. Trich makes excuses so that I keep pulling! This is one I have told myself often.

21. T: I have to check the mirror to see if my hair is regrowing. R: This is obsessive and obsessiveness leads to pulling. I take pictures of my hair now once a month and stay away from the mirror and obsessing.

22. T: Concentrating on individual hairs makes it fun to pull and keeps me in the trich way of thinking. R: I concentrate on thinking of my hair as a whole unit. I need all those hairs to make a full head of hair, a set of brows or a set of lashes.

23. T: I need to pull out my hair when I procrastinate. It bothers me that I am not doing what I need to do, which creates a stressful mood and then I want to pull. R: I can get up and do 5 minutes of what I need to do. I can do some thing for 5 minutes! Then once I am started, it will probably be easier to keep going and I will get what I need done and feel good about myself. Even if I quit after 5 minutes today, if I work 5 minutes on what needs doing each day, soon it will be done, therefore eliminating my stress and helping me to feel better about myself.

24. T: My hair will never grow back, so what is the point in trying to stop pulling! R: It takes 2 to 6 years for hair to grow back for some one who has pulled for 20 years or more, but the good news is it will come back, which is great!

25. T: I can’t tell any one about my hair pulling, because then they will think I’m crazy and stop liking me. R: By telling others about my trich, I will lose my shame and guilt associated with it. It is not my fault that I got trich or have a hard time dealing with it. By telling others, I see that having trich is no big deal. Every one has something! And most people are very understanding and supportive once they find out more about this disorder. This was the big surprise for me when I “came out”. Also in letting others know about my trich and have them accept me any way, helps me to accept and love myself.

26. T: My hands have to go to my head and pull! R: No they don’t! I can keep my hands busy with trich toys such as a koosh ball, silly putty, stress ball, grabbing both hands, holding any thing or doing some thing to keep my hands busy in a positive way instead of pulling, such as rug hooking or other crafts and hobbies.

27. T: Every thing that I do must be perfect, if it is not, then I get stressed out and want to pull out my hair. R: Every thing that I do does not have to be perfect! No one else is perfect and I don’t expect them to be, so why should I expect perfection from myself? I can lighten up and enjoy life!

28. T: If I stop pulling, who am I? R: I am still a person who has trich, only I am in recovery.

29. T: If I stop pulling, will I do some thing else that is equally destructive? R: I won’t replace my trich with another bad habit, if I realize that this is possible. I will work at replacing my trich with good behaviors and habits.

30. T: When I am on the phone I have to pull. R: I don’t have to stay on the phone with a person that is stressing me out. I can end the conversation and therefore end my need to pull. I can also play with the cord instead of pulling, when I have to be in this stressful situation and continue talking to this person.

31. T: I am a compulsive hair puller. R: I am so much more than a person that pulls out their hair. I am some one who enjoys hobbies, sports, leisure, relaxation, work and fun! I can choose what will define me and hair pulling is not what I want to be known for.

32. T: If I pull out my hair, I’m not worthy of love. R: Yes I am! I am worthy of love whether I pull out my hair or not. Hair pulling is not all that I am. I am worthy of love from others and from myself!

33. T: What is the point of trying to quit, when I will just start again? R: I know that everything takes time to learn and I will learn to not pull out my hair. I may have setbacks, but with each successful attempt at not pulling, I get closer to quitting pulling forever!

34. T: Trich is bad! R: Trich is good. When my hand goes to my hair, I know that some thing is not right with in me. I am either bored, tired, stressed, have dirty hair, am procrastinating, am depressed, etc. and I need to do some thing about it. Trich the is first to know, long before I know these things consciously.

35. T: I have an urge to pull, therefore I must pull! R: The urge to pull will pass if I do nothing at all. I will not die from this urge. It’s ok to get urges, but I don’t have to act on them. I can take a deep breath and relax.

36. T: I’ll never be able to stop pulling! I hate myself! R: I can learn to stop pulling by learning all that I can about trich and how it affects me. I can learn what my triggers are and what to do when I get them. I can learn that beating myself up for pulling and hating myself because of my pulling only makes my pulling worse. I can learn to use positive self-talk to help decrease the urge to pull. I can learn to love myself even if I continue to pull out my hair. I am worthwhile for who I am, not for how much hair I have.

37. T: I often pull with out realizing it and zone for a long time before I am aware of my pulling. How can I help myself if I don’t know I’m pulling? R: Awareness takes time and practice. In time, I will become aware of where my hands are and stop them before they start pulling. I will give myself the time and patience to learn the new behavior of awareness.

38. T: I’m the only one that does this. R: Nope. Millions of people pull out their hair, some where between 2 and 5% of the population pulls their hair. This covers all walks of life.

39. T: Slips are bad. R: Slips are a way of learning. I ask myself why I was pulling and then try to do something different next time to either avoid that situation or to change my response to that trigger, one that is positive and not negative like pulling.

40. T: Quitting pulling is too hard. R: Quitting pulling is not too hard if I take it in small steps, have patience with my recovery and give my recovery the time that it needs to succeed.

Sources: http://www.pallister.co.uk/uk-ttm-mb/messages/37/458.html?1203158711

http://dailystrength.org/c/Trichotillomania-Hair-Pulling/recs/1927-trichotillomania-way-thinking-vs

Please visit the site for more information, or for support if you think you have any form of Trichotillomania. This can be pulling from any area, large or small amounts, which I will post more about soon.

Anxiety

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Anxiety is a major trigger for my pulling and mood swings. I used to suffer from panic attacks. I have learned to manage my anxiety before it gets to that point.

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When in therapy, I learned to chart my anxiety level on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a panic attack.  This chart included information on what happened before the episode and the steps I took to calm down. The charting process helped me understand underlying  factors and early signs of anxiety.

The most helpful strategies for me are very simple: take a 5 minute break, pray, or take 10 deep breathes. There are many other relaxation strategies I use when I have more time. Some of these include progressive muscle relaxation, calming music, tea, a bath, relaxation color books, fiddle toys, stress balls, head massager, etc. 2014368078-Anxiety

I read this today and thought it was helpful for anyone struggling with anxiety. I’m definitely adding these verses to my toolbox. 🙂

3 Simple Verses for the Anxious Mom

Here are 3 simple verses to reflect on when anxiety creeps in:

1.  Psalm 34:4 – I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

How can you seek the Lord?  Through worship, prayer, and Bible reading.  Focus on these key disciplines during your most anxious moments, and He’ll show Himself strong.  He’ll either deliver you from the fear and anxiety, or show you His strength by carrying you through.  He’ll give you the wisdom to move past fear into a place of peace.

2.  Psalm 86:15 – But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

His compassion is for YOU. He is gracious towards YOU. He is not angry with you, but rather He loves you with an extravagant love and he is faithful to see you through your struggles!

3. Philippians 4:11 – I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

There are times I’ve had to resolve in my mind that I was going to be content with where I was, regardless of the circumstances around me. I would worship despite the thorn in my side. I would pray,”God, if it’s not Your plan to change my situation, then help me be content. Help me pray through this. If You won’t change _____, then please change me. Give me the grace to get to the other side and give You glory.”

Precious mama, you are not “less than” or damaged goods.
None of us are perfect. We all have struggles. Satan will try to whisper lies in your ear; fight them with prayer and the word.

God has a plan for you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you more than you could ever imagine!

In grace,

Jaime, Like a Bubbling Brook

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(Note: If you feel your anxiety is severe and could be more than a spiritual struggle, you’ll find my post on depression and chronic anxiety helpful. There may be other causes to consider, such as hormonal imbalances or vitamin deficiencies.)

 

Treating the Whole Person: Part 2

Treating the Whole Person: A Personal User’s Guide, Part Two

Renae M. Reinardy, PsyD.,LP
Lakeside Center for Behavioral Change, PC
Fargo, ND

Reprinted from InTouch Issue 64, Winter 2012
© The TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. 2016. All Rights Reserved

As we bring in the New Year many people have the goal of making a significant change in their life. If you struggle with a body focused repetitive behavior (BFRB), that goal might be increased control over picking or pulling. In Part One of the Personal User’s Guide, we discussed how building a healthy foundation through nutrition, exercise and sleep are important to good health and decreased urges. We also looked at the balance of how we live our life in comparison to how we would like to spend our time and energy. Spirituality was also briefly discussed as a tool to improve our experience. Any one of these areas could be the focus for changes in the coming year. Do not overwhelm yourself, narrow your goals to what makes sense to you. The purpose of the Personal User’s Guide is to serve as a self-guiding compass. It is not a final destination, but a process of change.

Here are some other things to consider in planning your route in your personal change process. And, please pull out your notes from Part One.

My Mind

We are all actors in our internal soap operas. Our thoughts are incredibly powerful, yet we tend to just accept our internal script without much editing. Cognitive behavioral therapists encourage the process of cognitive restructuring. This involves identifying, challenging and replacing thoughts that are not true or helpful to us. It is good to look inside of your mind to make any helpful editorial changes to your internal script about BFRBs. Thoughts can involve perceptions of self control, permission-giving thoughts, perfectionism, and/or social judgments to name a few. Just like a soap opera, there tends to be many areas of dialog that can use some editing to more accurately reflect reality.

Identify: What is a thought that often comes up about your picking or pulling? How much do you believe it?
  • Is this thought true?
  • Is it helpful?
  • Is there another way of thinking about it that would be p helpful?Edited thought: What is my new self-care script about picking or pulling that is more positive, realistic, or takes a problem solving approach?

The script that we rehearse is the life that we choose to live. In addition to identifying, challenging and replacing toxic thoughts, it is also good to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves awareness of ourselves and how our mind functions. It is turning off autopilot. There is quite a bit of information out there on the benefits of mindfulness training. I would encourage you to practice a mindfulness activity daily. One thing at a time, being aware of ourselves and our activity in that moment. This also helps to improve awareness of BFRBs and can be a good substitute if your picking or pulling puts you into a “trance-like” state.

My Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers are very common in picking and pulling behavior. It is good to understand what emotions your BFRBs are trying to regulate. Do you pull when you are bored? Tired? Frustrated? Unsure? Angry? Excited? Intolerant of less than perfect skin or hair?

Most common emotional triggers:

  • What sparks your emotions?
  • What do you do to cope with emotions?
  • What can you do to cope with emotions?

Once you are aware of your emotional triggers, you can start to learn and practice some adaptive emotional coping skills. For example, if you notice strong picking or pulling urges when you are frustrated, it may be helpful to learn a relaxation exercise such as controlled breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Most cognitive behavioral therapists can help you identify which skills would be best for you to regulate trigger emotions.

Other Triggers

This article has already discussed some of the cognitive (thought-related) and emotional triggers of BFRBs, but it is important to look at other factors that may also influence your behavior. It is common for people to have certain locations that become conditioned as situational triggers (i.e., pulling in the car, picking when washing your face before bed, etc.). Sensory triggers are the fascinating experiences that people have when they pick or pull. It can be a tpingly scalp, the coarse feeling of a hair, a bump on the skin, or the pop of a blemish. There can be much satisfaction in these sensory cues, so it is important to understand if they are a factor for you, and what substitutes can be used to satisfy these sensory experiences.

Situational triggers:

Sensory triggers:

Other triggers:

My Strategies

In this section, take a few minutes to focus on one or two strategies/goals in each area. If it is overwhelming, break it down and focus on one area at a time. Once that becomes more of a habit add another to your daily routine. Remember to be flexible; there are often twists and turns in any journey.
There are a number of strategies that can be used; it may be helpful to review some of the resources on the “Resource Library” tab on The TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors’ website,www.bfrb.org, for some additional inspiration.

My Body: Diet, Exercise, Sleep

How will you meet physical needs to promote overall well-being?
Example: Decrease soda consumption to 2 cans per week

My Life:

How will you create a better match between the “ideal” and the “real?”
Example: Check work email no more than 2x per week at home

My Spirit:

What steps will you take to connect to something outside of yourself?
Example: Practice walking meditation twice per week

My Mind:

How will you edit your internal script?
Example: Challenge permission-giving thoughts like, “I will start tomorrow” with “Trich is getting restless, now is the time to use a strategy before I even start pulling”

My Emotions:

What are some different ways you can cope with emotions
Example: Practice breathing exercise when mind is racing before bed

My Other Triggers: Sensory, Situational, Habits

Example: Meet sensory needs by using fiddle toy while on computer

Example: Modify situation trigger by practicing quick in and out of bathroom without lingering

Example: Make picking or pulling more difficult by wearing a rubber fingertip

As you practice these new patterns you will find that they will become stronger and the BFRBs will decrease in the frequency and intensity of urges. It is important to remember that it is still a part of you, but it can go into “hibernation.” Monitor how you are doing and evaluate which strategies work best for you in getting and keeping your picking or pulling under control by giving your body and mind what it needs in other ways.

My Story
What is the direction you have decided to take on this journey?

 

 

Many good wishes on your path.

Dr. Renae Reinardy is the founder of the Lakeside Center for Behavioral Change in Fargo, ND. Prior to opening her own practice, Dr. Reinardy worked as a psychologist at the Behavior Therapy Center of Greater Washington in Silver Spring, Maryland. Dr. Reinardy specializes in the treatment of hair pulling and skin picking disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, compulsive hoarding, and related conditions. She has been an adjunct professor at the doctoral level and has presented numerous times at national conferences and at local meetings and trainings, including The TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors’ Annual Conferences and Retreats. Dr. Reinardy has been interviewed on Good Morning America, the Joy Behar Show, Dateline NBC, and A&E’s Hoarders. For more information, visit www.lakesidecenter.org.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steps to Recovery

The Path to Recovery: An Overview and Reminder

I believe the path to hair pulling and skin picking recovery includes the following steps:

1) Learn to accept & love yourself whether you’re pulling or not If you withhold self-acceptance until you have complete recovery you create a battle ground within yourself. (Read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.) This is NOT the same as giving up, or accepting the pulling will never change. This is accepting yourself, regardless of whether you are still pulling or picking; not making your self love conditional.

2) Keep a calendar and rate each day from 0 to 10, 0 being 0 pulling or picking, 10 being your worst day. This will be your “scale” so that you can see improvement, even if you can’t see it on your head, face or body. If one month has 9s, 8s and 7s, and the next has 8s, 6s and 4s, you may not see a physical change yet, but you are on your way. This helps when you have a bad day. My blog at HelpForHairPullers.blogspot.com will expand on this.

3) People always ask, Is there a substitute for pulling or picking? Something I can do with my hands? I say, the real substitute is something you do with your MIND. If you usually go go go all day, and then suddenly sit down to watch a movie, get on the computer, read, and find yourself pulling or picking, then pulling is aiding you in the transition from doing to not-doing. Instead of trying to fight the pulling, you want to adopt a nightly ritual that will help the body release stress Before you sit down to read, watch TV, et al. I suggest before you sit down with a book or TV, SIT for FIVE minutes and either do a relaxation exercise (inhale relaxation, exhale stress, tension & tightness) or do a mindfulness meditation for five minutes. Your mind & body then get a chance to make the transition into a state of relaxation. Your urges will begin to lessen as you do this since you’ve already addressed one of the reasons you have urges.

4) Bring awareness to your conscious mind: I once worked with a 60-ish woman who had a severe cuticle picking problem. It was so bad her hands were bloody and nicked, and she was deeply ashamed. I asked her if she did this all day or at specific times. Oh it’s always the same, she said. I sit down at 5pm for an hour before my husband comes home and read the paper and have a glass of wine. That’s when I pull. So I asked her, Do you think about it before you sit down? Do you bring to mind the fact that this a dangerous time for you? She said she did not. “I guess I don’t want to think about it because I’m always hoping that I won’t do it.” When I asked her if there was ever a time in the past 35 years that she didn’t pick, she said no. I explained that what she called “hope,” I called denial. I urged her to simply acknowledge to herself before she sat down that this was a danger time for her, and it was important to be aware. This often is not always enough to make a change, but for this woman, acknowledging to herself before hand that this was a dangerous time for her allowed her to stop picking entirely.   For other people it is one small piece in the bigger puzzle of trich and CSP recovery.

5) Until you understand & accept that recovery is a gradual process, you are unlikely to be able to recover long term. Pullers and pickers often proudly tell me they are perfectionists. Here’s the problem. If you are perfectionist, you are, by definition, a failure. Humans are not perfect, cannot be. So if you set a standard for yourself that is unattainable, you will always feel bad about yourself. The reason I suggest using a daily number (#2 above) is because recovery is generally a two steps forward, one step back kind of thing. The reason it’s so tough to recover from these disorders is that it’s quite common to have a “bad day” after having several good ones. And it’s just as common to think to yourself, “Oh boy, I ruined everything. Here I was doing well, and now I’ve messed it up. I guess I’ll NEVER recover, so I MIGHT AS WELL JUST PULL (or pick). That voice–the one that tells you that you’ll “never” recover? That’s the trich or CSP addiction talking. Think about it. If you tell yourself that you’ll “never recover,” you’re free to pull or pick! If you are a perfectionist about this, you are saying that either you suddenly stop and stay stopped 100% or you are a failure. Since that’s unlikely to happen, you in fact have now made it impossible to recover. What if, in order to get to zero, you have to achieve less and less pulling first? You might say, I did so well for three weeks, and I “ruined” everything all in one day. NOPE, not true, that’s impossible in fact. If you pulled very little or none for three weeks, and had one bad day, that means 21 of 22 days were good or even great. This is a huge improvement. And yes, I understand that you pulled out a bunch of hair and picked a bunch of skin. However, you didn’t “ruin” your progress. The more days you have where you pull less, the faster overall you’ll grow back your hair or heal up your skin.

6) Change your short-term goal. If your goal is to have your hair back or to have your skin clear, that’s always six months in the future. Your short term goal must be to feel good about yourself for improving and to validate yourself for any gains made, including gains made in awareness and self-talk, as opposed to lessening of the behavior. If you often say, I was so “good” for a while; now I’ve “messed” things up again. I have so little hair, or my skin is so messed up, “what’s the point” in trying to stop now. I look terrible anyway (and I’ll probably just pull or pick tomorrow). Here’s the POINT: You will feel better about yourself later if you pull even a little bit less right now. And if you don’t, you can learn to celebrate small victories.  You have to admit you will probably feel bad if you continue to pick or to pull. So at the very least you are avoiding that. The POINT is, recovery is gradual. The hair and the clear skin come later: the small steps happen now. The POINT is, taking any step, however small, is a step toward recovery.  This is a great point! The POINT is, Hey, even though I tried to tell myself that my hair is so messed up I might as well pull, I did NOT pull. Each day that goes on, and that you pull a little less, is another day that you can remind yourself, hey, I’m doing this. I’m making small steps these will add up. Good for ME! And every day you are able to pull or pick the smallest bit less, you are closer to the long term goals around hair or skin.

Changing the way you look at this so you understand it is not your fault that you have trich (but like any other disorder you could have, it’s your responsibility to yourself to address it), encouraging and supporting yourself as you recover, becoming more mindful, taking five minutes before those transition times to relax your body and mind, keeping track of the days with a single number (so you can look back and see that, hey, overall the numbers are getting lower), and accepting yourself no matter what, these are all important pieces on the path to recovery. Everyone can get there. Congratulations. You are on the path.

My Prayer Today

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Lord, thank you for Your unending love and grace. You have blessed me in so many ways. I am so thankful for the gift of everlasting life, my husband, precious children, loving and ever supportive parents, sisters who are God given best friends with whom I share a special bond, my loving extended family whom all love me and have helped shape me into the God fearing woman I am today, and the prayers of loving friends and family.

I know you are carrying me down the beach of life as I struggle now. You will never leave me or forsake me. Please quiet my mind. Show me what to do next. Help me to find balance.

I love you more than words can express, more than anyone, or anything. I cannot fathom Your greatness. You meticulously planned and created the entire vastness of our universe, from the inner workings of an atom, to the number of hairs on my head, to each star and planet in the universe.

Because you can do all things, I know you will lift me up and carry me to solid ground. This storm will not destroy me because you are fighting my battle!

In Jesus Name, Amen

🌅💜🙏

Bipolar Basics

By, 

Starting with a case study and a biblical framework, this article takes us through a review of four books on the topic of bipolar disorder. Ed summarizes and interacts with these secular materials, gleaning what we can learn from them, while he builds a distinctly biblical interpretation of the struggles and symptoms of those facing this problem.

Part 1 of 3

Diane, a thirty-five-year old wife and mother, was becoming increasingly irritable. Her flashes of anger at the slightest provocation put everyone on high alert. Adding to the family tension, she was sleeping erratically—staying up late and getting up early. The family didn’t really know what she was doing with her time. Half-finished projects littered the house, none in synch with family priorities. These tensions weighed on her husband and were compounded by Diane’s apparent unwillingness to listen to the concerns he or others had about her behavior. Conflict was inevitable.

After an especially intense argument, Diane stormed out of the house. She ended up in a bar about ten miles away, met a man and went to bed with him. When she finally came home the next morning, disheveled and distraught but still testy, she told her husband what had happened. He, of course, was extremely distressed. He called his family physician who told him to take Diane to the emergency room. From there the doctor admitted her to the psychiatric ward.

It sounds like a case of pride coming before the fall, and it is. But there is more. Superimposed over whatever was going on in her heart, Diane’s mind was racing. Never before had she been so distractible or hyperactive. Her interpretations were increasingly bizarre. She simply “wasn’t herself.”

The diagnosis for Diane in the psychiatric hospital was ‘bipolar disorder.’ Diane was artificially high—‘manic.’ Her high was exaggerated, exhibitionistic, talkative, restless, “wired,” and self-destructive. This is one extreme of bipolar disorder (previously ‘manic-depression’). Depression is the other pole, the subdued or “down” mirror image of mania’s exuberant, “up.” Once clued in to these fluctuating, extreme emotions, her husband could easily cite several other periods of similar activity in Diane’s life.

The diagnosis of bipolar is a welcome challenge to careful, practical theological development. Since Scripture speaks with breadth and depth to all of life, a biblical counselor should be eager to examine every human experience. So far, however, there has been very little written about the bipolar experience from a biblically thoughtful perspective.1 This article’s brief foray into bipolar considers how to think biblically about this topic when a concordance is of no help, and when no biblical characters exhibit bipolar symptoms. This article will also review several current books on the bipolar experience.

Psychiatric Wordswhat-is-bipolar-disorder-1

 

I Want to Tell The World

Thanks for this great post about bipolar disorder and weight loss. Both of these books are now on my summer reading list. Between 4 babies, medication that caused weight gain, and an extremely sluggish metabolism due to lithium induced hypothyroidism 😳, I have an extra 15-20 pounds that needs to go. Also a clean diet with ‘good foods’ under the John Kender diet helps reduce my pulling and urges and exercise helps my moods. It’s all interconnected. Healthy body, mind, and soul. ❤️😊🌹

Birth of a New Brain

Tell The World by Dave Dobbyn, one of my favorite singers

(Of course he’s from New Zealand!)

Dear Friends,

I want to tell the world about two memoirs I loved reading…

I want to tell the world about my new favorite dessert…

and it’s not chocolate! 

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(Be grateful for my restraint – I resisted posting 10 more pictures of adorable animals!)

I want to tell the world that since I started using the free Lose It! app I’ve lost over twenty pounds! 

I’m no longer carrying the equivalent of this barbell around & that definitely agrees with me.

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When I was diagnosed with postpartum bipolar disorder at thirty-seven, I began compulsive overeating to self-medicate. I went up and down with my weight depending on whether I was depressed or manic.

Medications played a part in my weight gain as well – I tried 25+ meds and some of them played…

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