At Your Feet

Trichy Insights

At Your Feet

I lay each day

Down at your feet

Each breathe I breathe

I give to you

I want what you want

And nothing more

Lead me

To follow in your ways

Take my suffering

And make me new

Use me for Your purpose

Your perfect plan

I am yours

I want to serve you

All the days of my life

I am yours

I trust in you Lord

To use all things for good

Take this suffering

and use me for Your glory

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Battling Bipolar Mania

Racing mind never stops
Thoughts run out
In uncontrollable speech
driving others mad

I see myself causing anxiety
But am unable to stop
I prefer depression
No one knows what is going on inside

My mania overflows and
Cannot be contained within
Fully exposed and vulnerable
Unable cope with life

Forever writing lists and setting alarms
Help me focus despite my desire to accomplish
Every random thought that pops into my mind
I get a LOT done, but
My long disorganized process
Concerns everyone around me and
distracts me from pressing responsibilities

I don’t know what to do
It’s never been this bad

God please take this!
Heal me help me
Strengthen me
I know you are there
and will not give me more
than I can take so you
Must think I’m pretty strong

At Your Feet

At Your Feet

I lay each day

Down at your feet

Each breathe I breathe

I give to you

I want what you want

And nothing more

Lead me

To follow in your ways

Take my suffering

And make me new

Use me for Your purpose

Your perfect plan

I am yours

I want to serve you

All the days of my life

I am yours

I trust in you Lord

To use all things for good

Take this suffering

and use me for Your glory

A Changed Perspective

A Changed Perspective

recovery is a process

small steps

improvement not perfection

prepare for slips

don’t be discouraged

look for good days

strategies that work

rules to follow

make a plan

celebrate small victories

watch the numbers

go down

focus on the big picture

not the slips

stay strong

for the fight

is long and

requires gumption

be your own advocate

when treatments fail

move on to

your next step

there is hope

and this will end

if you keep fighting

~August 2014

Poem

My Addiction-Explained

another day

I look in the mirror

still the same

no more hair than yesterday

block out the pain

as I watch myself

put on the makeup

under which I try to hide

the disguise can’t erase

the shame and embarrassment

this self-torture

brings upon me

I try to control my hands

that ravage destruction

on the few fragile lashes

that dare attempt to grow

in a war with myself

two pieces forever fight

no rest, no hope

in my self-made pain

I am a prisoner trapped within

I try to get free but

have no control as I am

pulled back by an invisible force

remission never lasts

always fall back

an endless cycle of

devastating hair pulling

twelve years

I have struggled

to overcome this addiction

much more than a bad habit

my compassionate compulsion

inviting misery and good pain

lies all lies I tell myself because

I cannot control this obsession

continuous treatment

therapy, doctors, MRIs

more medication than

I ever knew existed

nothing ever seems to help

no matter how hard I try

still I cannot break free

from this part of my life

haunted by alienation

like I’m some kind of freak

no one seems to understand

people say “just stop”

search for answers

strength, a way to

overcome this monster

that I hate

to the outsider

it seems so simple, but

it’s a complex disorder

called trichotillomania

~2006

Poem

Addiction

something living inside me

continually grows

What can I do-

control seems unobtainable

it eats away at my life

I watch myself destroy all hope

hate this ugly part of me

wish I had never known it

I feel so alone

even though millions suffer

because society continues to neglect

allowing silence to prevail

I just want to be free

from my self-made pain

losing more than I gain

each time I give in

haunted by the mirror

my own worst enemy

falling deeper

surrounded by darkness

freedom is the light

I can see, but cannot reach

feeling lost as I wonder

Will I ever break this addiction

~2004