Category Archives: Reflections

Consistent Perseverance

Consistent Persistence

I have been going through a storm that has lasted years. I can finally see the light and am overcoming my giant. I want to praise God for the strength He has given me to carry me through these hard times.

I have consistently sought to follow God’s will by daily turning to Him in prayer and reading the word. I began reading the Bible every day three years ago. I love the youversion app and use it daily to follow a plan that leads me through the word with a devotion about my reading each day. Once I have read, I then pray and think about how it applies to my life. Ever day I hear from God. His direction is what guides me through the day. I continue to talk with God throughout the day. My prayer life is life a friendship. I share every thought. My hopes, struggled, and praises.

Having a joyful heart has changed the way I see the world and my life. The first thing I do each day is to give thanks for the day he has given me. I will rejoice for this is the day the Lord had had made.

10 Ways to Keep from Feeling Overwhelmed

1. Let it go.

Whether it’s a critical remark from someone that is gnawing at your insides or an added task that you took upon yourself and now it’s causing you to feel overwhelmed, just let it go. There are few matters that are worth losing sleep over. And there are few things that can’t wait until  tomorrow. Or next week. Or even longer. Your health is more important than holding onto what is stressing you out.   

If you supervise others, practice the art of delegation and allow others to share the load. Know what you do best and hand off the rest to others who can do those jobs better than you. You are only one person. Cut the drama by cutting your schedule.  

2. Sleep on it.

Your mom might have told you years ago to “sleep on it” when you were faced with making a difficult decision. That’s great advice when it comes to not only important decision-making, but to anything that might overwhelm you, such as responding to an accusatory email or angry voice message, or committing to one more task that will leave you overextended. 

Studies show that the brain actually processes situations more thoroughly while you sleep. That means you wake up with a fresh – and often less emotional – perspective. Sleeping on it is the breather that will help you gain perspective and cool the heat of your emotions so you don’t overcommit to something spontaneously or out of guilt.

3. Commit to the three E’s.

I call them the Essential E’s: Eat right, exercise regularly, and embrace sleep. Fueling your body with protein and nutritious food, exercising to release those feel-good endorphins (as well as keep your heart healthier), and embracing opportunities to take a power nap or get a good seven-eight hours of sleep each night will keep you feeling fresh, rather than fatigued and overwhelmed. 

When you eat right, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep, you can be at the top of your game and cope so much better when the drama of life hits. When we are emotionally spent, it’s usually because we are physically and nutritionally spent as well. 

4. Stay out of it.

We often start feeling overwhelmed when we’ve extended ourselves a little too far when it comes to helping others. It’s called enabling – or “rescuing” – and women are great at it. But just because something happens in your sphere of influence doesn’t mean you are the one to run to the rescue and fix it. Just because you are made aware of something doesn’t mean God is assigning it to you. Much drama – and feelings of anxiety – can be avoided when you get in the habit of running your schedule past God first. It looks like this:

1) Stop

2) Seek God’s guidance

3) Stay out of it unless God gives you a clear indication to step into it. We often reverse that. We think I will do this unless God stops me. If you’re already overscheduled, think this way instead: The answer is no unless God says “go.”

5. Trust God to control what you can’t.

My friend, Donna, learned recently that the more she rests and trusts, the more God goes to bat for her. She had just learned of her mother’s sudden death in a car accident and felt the pull to leave her business to travel and be with her family and help make final arrangements. But although her heart was saying You need to go, her head was saying It’s a busy month, you can’t leave… you have to be here to keep things running smoothly. In the midst of the mental battle, she listened closely for God’s voice: Trust Me. Go do what you need to do. 

Donna left her business in the hands of capable people and trusted God with the rest. When she returned a month later, she discovered her business experienced its highest grossing month on record! Then when she stepped away from her business a second time – this time for two months after receiving a breast cancer diagnosis – her business experienced its best two months ever, financially. God was affirming to her, again, the principle that He can take care of more while we rest than we can while we stress!

6. Stop trying to please everyone.

I’m sure at one point you knew clearly who the priority people were in your life. But that can get fuzzy when we are trying to please too many people, which is often the case when we begin to feel overwhelmed. 

So stop being a people-pleaser and realize who matter the most in your life. Who are the people who will cry the most at your funeral? Put them first. Make everyone else take a number and wait in line. In short, that’s the simplest way to live without regrets. Priority people get the first and best of your time. Everyone else will simply have to learn to wait.

7. Pray it through.

When you start to feel overwhelmed, talk to God about it. Just giving Him your concerns will help usher peace into your life and give you a little more clarity. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand…” (NLT).  

You can experience that peace, not a feeling of being overwhelmed, when you pray about what is pressuring you. Praying is equivalent to taking an intermission. It quiets your soul, clears your mind, and teaches you to leave your concerns with God, who is better at taking care of them anyway. 

8. Get outdoors.

There is something therapeutic about getting outdoors, breathing the fresh air, and noticing the beauty of creation (even if it’s just some trees that line the sidewalk outside your office building). 

Getting out into nature reminds us that “the earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it” (Psalm 24:1) and it makes us realize that the petty things of this earth that overwhelm us don’t really matter in the scope of eternity.

9. Reduce the clutter.

Do you realize that just by cleaning off your desk, getting rid of too many clothes in your closet, or clearing the kitchen counter can help you feel less overwhelmed? Everyone needs a clean, clear space to think, work and exist. Where is yours? 

When there is less clutter, there are less choices to make and less time spent trying to find things that get lost in the mess. How many times have you lost your keys right as you are trying to leave the house? Keeping all belongings in a designated space will prevent this issue, and save you the frustration of misplacing important items. Simplify your work or living space. It brings peace.

10. Go off the grid.

Slide 10 of 10

Imagine spending a whole day (or maybe even a week!) being inaccessible – no internet, no interruptions, no demands. Just you and the quiet. Most high-level business people need this at least one or two weeks a year in order to maintain their creativity, energy, and overall sanity. But you and I can try it in smaller chunks – like for an hour or two a day – if that’s what it takes to ease your anxiety. 

The world won’t stop if you do. You’ll just get the rest you need so you can perform better when you return to your desk, computer, or cellphone. Go off the grid by carving out time periods when you cannot be reached. Shut down your computer. Turn off your cellphone. Rediscover quiet and recollect your thoughts. 

We often believe that we must respond to every request, every email, and every text or voice message immediately. That not only leaves us feeling overwhelmed, but it trains others to expect us to be at their beck and call. Practice the art of being inaccessible (so you can quietly reflect) and trust God that when you take the time to rest He won’t punish you for it by making you miss important opportunities. 

By Cindi McMenamin

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker who helps women strengthen their walk with God and their relationships. She is the author of 15 books, including the best-selling When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), When You’re Running on Empty, and her newest book, Drama Free, upon which this article is based.  For more on her speaking ministry, books, or free articles to strengthen your soul, marriage, or parenting, see her website www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

 

 

Sometimes You Are Going To Feel Lost, Alone, And Directionless

Sometimes you will have to rewrite texts and e-mails thirty times before erasing everything and decide to stay in a bubble. Sometimes you feel overwhelmed by loneliness and search for comfort on the Internet. At other times, you will reach everyone who listens. Collect text or dozens of tastes on a selfie in seconds, and get excited for a split second before they feel misery again.

Sometimes you feel overwhelming emotion. You will cry until your contacts come off. You will look in the mirror as tears run down your face, and the reflection will make your stomach firmer. At other times, you will feel numb. Your mind becomes a void. You do not care about anything, let alone yourself.

Sometimes you skip your showers and let your nail polish and roots grow, because the idea of taking care of you does not even come to your mind. At other times, the little things you have taken for granted, the things that really pleased you, like sending your best friends and eating a full meal, will become invincible missions.

Sometimes you can press the alarm one, two or three times before turning it off completely so you can sleep until noon. At other times, you will fix the ceiling because the ghosts of your past are glittering around you, mocking your memories and preventing you from resting.

Sometimes you will have dark thoughts. They will sabotage themselves. They will repel the people who matter most to you. At other times, you call friends (or relatives) at two in the morning. You will catch the shoulders. They will drain all your feelings. You do not want to let go of people who take care of you. They do not want to part for a second.

Sometimes you wonder about your goal. You will feel lost, alone and without direction. And these feelings will be so insistent, a distraction from all that was important to you, will make you wonder if you will feel so forever. You will wonder if you will ever come out of the rut that caused a life of disappointment.

But even if your hope is gone, you must continue to chug. You must believe in yourself because the phrase you heard millions of times is true. It’s better. They will see the sunlight again. You will feel relieved. You will have renewed confidence. You will recognize your own value.

Self Care

 I am trusting God.

  • I am sleeping the right amount, my 8-9 hours a night.
  • I am drinking more water.
  • I am reading the Bible, my devotions, and self help books more.
  • I am creating a skincare routine and an exercise routine for myself.
  • I am making a conscious decision to care about what happens to me after a lifetime of putting everyone else first and leaving myself for last.
  • I am slowly growing into the ultimate version of myself.
  • I am making an effort to be more open and honest about my feelings. I am letting the real me run loose instead of playing pretend to the public.
  • I am learning how to cope with my anger.
  • I am taking baby steps away from my sadness.
  • I am replacing negative thoughts with positive ones whenever possible.
  • I am releasing the pain from my past to make room for happiness in my future.
  • I am offering my loved ones my full attention.
  • I am listening.
  • I am looking others directly in the eyes.
  • I am relearning how to communicate in an effective way.
  • I am making the right decision instead of the most comfortable decision.
  • I am taking care of my physical health.
  • I am drifting from my comfort zone.
  • I am making fewer complaints.
  • I am criticizing my reflection less.
  • I am learning to change the pieces of myself that are adjustable and appreciate the pieces I am unable to nudge.

Words Matter

Never say mean words out of anger. Your anger will pass. But your mean words can scar a person for life. So use kind words or be silent.

We have all gone through some obstacles at a certain point of our lives in the name of survival. We often tend to deny them as they are difficult to deal with. However, as difficult as they are to bear, it is imperative if we want to live a fulfilling life.

Happiness is based on embracing and accepting the negative aspects of life. Denying them turns a blind eye to reality.

#1 Worrying is useless

Worrying is created in the mind and really doesn’t offer any value to our lives. Will worrying change what’s going to happen? If not, then it’s a waste of time.

“Worrying does not accomplish anything. Even if you worry twenty times more, it will not change the situation of the world. In fact, your anxiety will only make things worse. Even though things are not as we would like, we can still be content, knowing we are trying our best and will continue to do so.

If we don’t know how to breathe, smile, and live every moment of our life deeply, we will never be able to help anyone. I am happy in the present moment. I do not ask for anything else. I do not expect any additional happiness or conditions that will bring about more happiness.

#2 If we want to be happy, we must see reality for what it is

We need to see reality for what it is. We need to be open minded and open to the truth, instead of focusing on our own unrealistic opinions. Many people choose to remain positive by avoiding negative situations, but what we need to do is to confront them.

#3 We need to accept change actively

We always have to remember that change is the only constant. The most basic example of this saying is the change from day to night and night to day on a daily basis. There is nothing that remains unchanged in the world, which is why it is only painful when we hold on to things as they are and cannot find the strength to accept change as it happens.

As we grow up, one also has to find the maturity to be secure enough to embrace change because of its unavoidable nature.

#4 The root of suffering is pursuing temporary feeling

Most people crave feelings of happiness, such as joy, euphoria, and excitement. However, these feelings are temporary and the pursuit of them turns into suffering. True happiness comes from inner peace and it is based on a feeling of being satisfied and happy with your true self. Yuval Noah Harari explains that people can stop suffering only when they understand the impermanent nature of their feelings and stop craving them.

#5 A relationship with our creator and savior is the path to reducing suffering

Reading the Bible, praying, and studying the ways of Jesus, which emphasize love and acceptance of others, compassion, honesty, and the ability to forgive. The Bible teaches us everything we need for a for filling life of love and connection to others. My faith has been a life line and source of strength in my suffering through trichotillomania, bipolar depression and mania, and anxiety.

Anxiety Disorders Typically Caused by Exposure to Narcissistic Abuse

Anxiety Disorders Typically Caused by Exposure to Narcissistic Abuse

By admin

Overt abuse techniques commonly used on preferred scapegoat targets by Cluster B people tend to cause physical health issues for victims of people who are socially aggressive, violent, and foster a complex atmosphere of Ambient Abuse in any social environment they have the opportunity to influence.

The most common targets for social abuse are highly sensitive and emotionally intelligent people who are by nature prone to behaving like humanists. People who are of lesser social means (meaning less socially powerful or influential) are also likely targets, too.

If you live in a home where abuse is prevalent, expect your health to decline and your self-conception to suffer. Being told all the time YOU are the problem for reacting to abuse in ways that are actually emotionally intelligent and PHYSICALLY appropriate tends to cause victim self-identity to suffer.

If you feel like you are unsure whether you over-react to abuse or you are justified in being upset when you are lied to, conned by a love fraud, are cheated on, are beaten or sexually assaulted, threatened with murder, etcetera… your mind and body are already experiencing symptoms of extreme C-PTSD.

Chances are you are likely to be developing a  form of Stockholm Syndrome based on trauma bonding with your Abuser.  When and if a trauma bond forms, the biology of the human form does a couple of things.

First of all — if you are healthy and sane, you will tend to trust your own eyes and ears as well as sanity. If you catch a partner cheating, for instance, but they blame YOU? Or an Enabler tries to convince you that your abuser loves you in their own way? Or they tell you that physical assault is for your own good?

Seriously — if you believe them you are already likely to be living with adrenal fatigue and heightened forms of pervasive social anxiety soon.

The following list of anxiety disorder types was compiled by the Mayo Clinic. The healthcare organization describes many of the most common conditions as follows

• Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed.

• Anxiety disorder due to a medical condition includes symptoms of intense anxiety or panic that are directly caused by a physical health problem.

• Generalized anxiety disorder includes persistent and excessive anxiety and worry about activities or events — even ordinary, routine issues. The worry is out of proportion to the actual circumstance, is difficult to control and affects how you feel physically. It often occurs along with other anxiety disorders or depression.

• Panic disorder involves repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks). You may have feelings of impending doom, shortness of breath, chest pain, or a rapid, fluttering or pounding heart (heart palpitations). These panic attacks may lead to worrying about them happening again or avoiding situations in which they’ve occurred.

• Selective mutism is a consistent failure of children to speak in certain situations, such as school, even when they can speak in other situations, such as at home with close family members. This can interfere with school, work and social functioning.

• Separation anxiety disorder is a childhood disorder characterized by anxiety that’s excessive for the child’s developmental level and related to separation from parents or others who have parental roles.

• Social anxiety disorder (social phobia) involves high levels of anxiety, fear and avoidance of social situations due to feelings of embarrassment, self-consciousness and concern about being judged or viewed negatively by others.

• Specific phobias are characterized by major anxiety when you’re exposed to a specific object or situation and a desire to avoid it. Phobias provoke panic attacks in some people.

• Substance-induced anxiety disorder is characterized by symptoms of intense anxiety or panic that are a direct result of abusing drugs, taking medications, being exposed to a toxic substance or withdrawal from drugs.

• Other specified anxiety disorder and unspecified anxiety disorder are terms for anxiety or phobias that don’t meet the exact criteria for any other anxiety disorders but are significant enough to be distressing and disruptive.

Folks who actively abuse and enable other abusers love telling their abuse victims that they are somehow socially, emotionally, and intellectually deficient. They are huge fans of abusing the crap out of their target, then when caught or confronted about their behavior choices they love nothing more than playing the victim.

The more extreme the personality disorder the more likely social predators are to enjoy harming or humiliating and dominating other people.

Not only do they expect their willing Narcissistic Supply Sources to consistently play SUB-servant, they wholeheartedly expect and demand total obedience from any preferred scapegoat they like to claim ownership of and to toy with psychologically and emotionally on a regular basis.

People who get trapped* in the CYCLE OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE tend to know something is not right with the claims the Cluster B person makes, but unless they are well educated about things like how to spot the warning signs of a Cluster B pack or egocentric Abuser, love fraud tactics, and are made aware of verbal abuse and mind control tactics, predators make incredible logical fallacy statements and appeals to emotion that sound — at least plausible — to an unaware listener.

If a target makes the mistake of reverse projecting and presumes that all human beings — INCLUDING CLUSTER B PEOPLE AND VERTICAL THINKERS — have the same core values as roughly 75-80% of the global human population, that is the instant chaos manufactures or pot stirrers have the ability to start mind assaulting trouble.

People who are exposed to physical abuse, sexual assault, verbal assaults of a poignant or pervasive nature, financial abuse, social persecution, and the word choices of dehumanizers seeking to sadistically or callously persecute tend to develop extreme social anxiety, pervasive stress related illnesses, and extreme confusion over knowing they are good folks in their heart and mind but hear constant ad hominem attacks against themselves by bullies and manipulators all the time.

If you are being harassed, bullied, messed with at work, are being picked on by family members who display Cluster B behaviors, an ex has done some crappy thing like tried to smear campaign, or worse…

Or you are feeling the literal weight of an angry and hostile narcissistic led faction world…

You are not alone in suspecting being around mean people can damage your health. Verbal assault can lead directly to neurological damage to the part of the brain that houses complex emotional reasoning centers and the body fatigues and organ function is medically depleted by the fear-induced surge of toxic adrenal chemicals.

Seriously.

Life-threatening illness tends to develop in humans who feel TRAPPED by an Abuser (unable to flee) or who are held hostage by toxic thinkers seeking to silence and oppress their scapegoats, targets, and control the fear-based psychology of their toys as well as any collateral damage victims.

[Abusers tend to rage at anyone who offers one of their preferred scapegoat targets humanitarian aid or social support. Doing so tends to produce the effect of socially isolating their targeted victim while humiliating and truly frightening them further when and if people passively choose to stay out of it or to enable, leaving the target even more vulnerable to further pervasive overt (as well as extreme covert) situational abuse. ]

The more healthcare workers start to realize if a patient presents with stress illness and psychiatric symptoms that the patient is more than likely showing physical signs of complex psychological and emotional duress more than likely being caused by ongoing exposure to Narcissistic Abuse or an Ambient Abuse promoting environment, the sooner human beings of neurotypical nature are likely to be able to end the healthcare crisis beginning to plague most modern nations.

SOURCE: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/dxc-20168124

16 Signs You’re Nearing Burnout

16 signs you’re nearing burnout

Alisa, November 29, 2016, Mindfulness and Cognitive Science, Neurobiology and Behavior, Self Care, 6

Does it sometimes feel like you have to hit bottom before you can really change? You can see the warning signs…the negative effects of overcommitting yourself are probably pretty predictable. But how do you take action now? (As opposed to when your body forces you to or when the next break gets here).

Burnout often happens in a cyclical fashion. With unsustainable habits it’s always just a matter of time before your tank dwindles down to empty again. But it’s difficult to make changes to those habits when it feels like you have to choose between having fun and sustainable energy.

Hold up, do we really have to choose between FUN and WELL? Screw that. I think the choice lies elsewhere, in fact, I demand it lie elsewhere. We just might have to dig a little bit to find it.

Recognizing the patterns

The cool thing about habits is that they can be easy to spot. Trigger >> routine >> reward. It’s always the same pattern. And your patterns, though unique to you, are also easy to spot. You just have to be looking. I’ve compiled a list of common signs of burnout. These physical, mental, emotional, relational behaviors signal you’re reaching the breaking point where your system (being your life) can no longer withstand the stress of the environment. You’re a bridge just waiting to collapse.

Signs you’re approaching burnout (based on research + personal experience):

1 Trouble sleeping / falling asleep

2 Tension in back + shoulders

3 Headaches

4 Hard time waking up in the morning (even after a full night’s sleep)

5 Lack of interest in normal activities

6 Low energy

7 Trouble focusing / easily distracted

8 Trouble regulating behavior (outbursts, losing chunks of time to scrolling social media, unable to stop eating or turn off the tv)

9 Reversion to “default” behaviors (previous transformations start to unravel)

10 Easily overwhelmed

11 Down / depressed mood

12 Easily frustrated

13 Prone to ruminating on interactions with others

14 Crying more than usual

15 Trouble identifying “why” you feel sad, angry, tired, etc.

16 Pulling away from friends / family

And I’m certain I’ve missed some.

Now if you’re experiencing these “symptoms”, there is no need to panic. This is a diagnosis or anything like that. My hope is that by looking at this list you will see that some of the things you do that are just a “normal part of life” are actually signs that you aren’t handling the stress you’re under well.

See, it’s not a choice between “fun” and “well” – it’s the decision to raise the bar on what fun really is.

Take action

Don’t let this be something that becomes “oh that’s interesting” and on you go. Choose right now to set a higher standard for the “fun” you let in your life.

The greater the responsibility you have to perform at your best, the more resolute you must be in your standard for wellness. From your nutrition to your free time, the stuff you do needs to set you up for better performance. Your classroom, your clients, your patients – they need you operating at your capability. Which means they need you well, not the bare minimum of “functional.”

1 Take time to write down your personal signs of declining wellness and what you currently do to cope with it — scrolling, tv, declining invites, dessert, hyper-cleaning or organizing, etc

2 Choose one of your go-to habits for coping with stress and get curious about it. Every time you see yourself doing it or feeling the compulsion, ask yourself why that might be happening and observe does this actually make me feel how I want to feel? Am I really getting what I’m looking for?

3 Develop a routine or ritual to go through when it’s been a long day – something that will help you feel the way you really want to feel. Read more about this step here.