Tag Archives: God

Battling Bipolar Mania

image

Racing mind never stops
Thoughts run out
In uncontrollable speech
driving others mad

I see myself causing anxiety
But am unable to stop
I prefer depression
No one knows what is going on inside

My mania overflows and
Cannot be contained within
Fully exposed and vulnerable
Unable cope with life

Forever writing lists and setting alarms
Help me focus despite my desire to accomplish
Every random thought that pops into my mind
I get a LOT done, but
My long disorganized process
Concerns everyone around me and
distracts me from pressing responsibilities

I don’t know what to do
It’s never been this bad

God please take this!
Heal me help me
Strengthen me
I know you are there
and will not give me more
than I can take so you
Must think I’m pretty strong

wordle

Refueled

After a relapse, this week has been a much needed reprieve.  For the past few months my pulling had been getting worse, to the point where it was as bad as it had been in July.  I was starting to feel hopeless, as I continued all my strategies to no avail.  I just kept praying and trusting God to help me through this.  I knew I had been down before and had come out of it so I held onto that hope.

I hadn’t had a pull free day in months, then it happened…1 DAY, 1 whole day!  It was such a relief, I had almost forgotten how nice it felt to complete a day and mark it off on my calendar.  I am on my fourth day now and am feeling really good.  My urge is more manageable but the new growth is tempting.  I’m not expecting to be completely pull free, as time and time again I have seen that an all or nothing view of trich is just not reasonable.  Yes I do believe one day I can be pull free for good.  For now, I will take it one day at a time and cherish each good day.  It’s celebrating the little victories that will keep me strong throughout this battle.

Through hard times, I find it is even more important to hold tightly to the promises of God.  These are a few of my favorite versus that remind me of my hope is in God.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.”

Jeremiah 17:7

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3

“But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.”  

Psalm 39:7