Tag Archives: Hope

I Am Human. I Need Help.

It was close to midnight when I drove into an empty mall parking lot. The sound and sight of rain is distinct in my memory. “Where are you, God?” I shouted, pain coiling itself around my heart, torment gripping my mind. “Where are you?” I sobbed again. I parked my car and began to write the truth in my journal: I am absolutely terrified. My life is completely out of control. God, I need help.

Fourteen years ago I was struggling with an eating disorder (among other things, hello). But in that parking lot, I finally pressed beyond denial and admitted to myself and to God that I had a problem I couldn’t fix. I wasn’t ready to admit the same to others, but at least the pressure of pretending began to lift.

It took a few years for me to open my pain to close friends, and for my life to actually change, but I gained a level of freedom that night as I gave myself permission to say it, to write it: I am human. I am broken. I need help.

Brokenness opens a path for obedience. Not because it’s more spiritual to be jacked up across fourteen areas of life, but because of the humility it takes to engage in an honest relationship between the Holy Spirit and us. It takes guts to say, “I don’t have it all together and I’m not going to wait until I have it all together. Jesus, I need you now. Where are you? Can you please come to me now?”

He has all wisdom. He has all power. He is at peace with our humanity, with our brokenness. He comes to us in our pain, not in our pretense. He gives grace to the humble, but he resists the proud. And the Holy Trinity is the only force able to transform our lives completely, for good.

How I hated those first few times I risked taking off my mask. How I loathed giving up control of my environment and of how others saw me. How I despised living in that grey space between who I was and who I wanted to be. Denial was so much easier – at least my coping mechanisms were familiar, and pretending I had it all together was so much better than sitting in the ugly truth.

But truth-telling started the process of freedom. I began walking wholeheartedly towards integrity. And this opened my heart to receive the truth of the word of God as well. This opened me up to a life in the Spirit.

Jesus said, “If you abide in my word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” And when we make the simple, albeit difficult, decision to be honest with where we are, we can obey Jesus at each step of our discipleship journey, on our way to where we’re going. We tap into the power of the Holy Spirit and, by His grace, we can respond to our past with His love, remain present where we are, and look to the future with hope.

Humility in obedience is hard; but, oh, my friend, you’re worth it. Eugene Peterson, in his book, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction:

“I Am Human. I Need Help.”

It was close to midnight when I drove into an empty mall parking lot. The sound and sight of rain is distinct in my memory. “Where are you, God?” I shouted, pain coiling itself around my heart, torment gripping my mind. “Where are you?” I sobbed again. I parked my car and began to write the truth in my journal: I am absolutely terrified. My life is completely out of control. God, I need help.

Fourteen years ago I was struggling with an eating disorder (among other things, hello). But in that parking lot, I finally pressed beyond denial and admitted to myself and to God that I had a problem I couldn’t fix. I wasn’t ready to admit the same to others, but at least the pressure of pretending began to lift.

It took a few years for me to open my pain to close friends, and for my life to actually change, but I gained a level of freedom that night as I gave myself permission to say it, to write it: I am human. I am broken. I need help.

Brokenness opens a path for obedience. Not because it’s more spiritual to be jacked up across fourteen areas of life, but because of the humility it takes to engage in an honest relationship between the Holy Spirit and us. It takes guts to say, “I don’t have it all together and I’m not going to wait until I have it all together. Jesus, I need you now. Where are you? Can you please come to me now?”

He has all wisdom. He has all power. He is at peace with our humanity, with our brokenness. He comes to us in our pain, not in our pretense. He gives grace to the humble, but he resists the proud. And the Holy Trinity is the only force able to transform our lives completely, for good.

How I hated those first few times I risked taking off my mask. How I loathed giving up control of my environment and of how others saw me. How I despised living in that grey space between who I was and who I wanted to be. Denial was so much easier – at least my coping mechanisms were familiar, and pretending I had it all together was so much better than sitting in the ugly truth.

But truth-telling started the process of freedom. I began walking wholeheartedly towards integrity. And this opened my heart to receive the truth of the word of God as well. This opened me up to a life in the Spirit.

Jesus said, “If you abide in my word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” And when we make the simple, albeit difficult, decision to be honest with where we are, we can obey Jesus at each step of our discipleship journey, on our way to where we’re going. We tap into the power of the Holy Spirit and, by His grace, we can respond to our past with His love, remain present where we are, and look to the future with hope.

Humility in obedience is hard; but, oh, my friend, you’re worth it. Eugene Peterson, in his book, A Long Obedience in the

Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society, said, “And yet I decide, every day, to set aside what I can do best and attempt what I do very clumsily–open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride.” Yes and Amen.

PRACTICE: What thoughts come into your mind as you think about leaning into the grey space of where you are now and where you want to be? Are you uncomfortable, afraid, lonely, angry? Share your thoughts with the Lord. He wants to hear you. Discipleship in an Instant Society, said, “And yet I decide, every day, to set aside what I can do best and attempt what I do very clumsily–open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride.” Yes and Amen.

PRACTICE: What thoughts come into your mind as you think about leaning into the grey space of where you are now and where you want to be? Are you uncomfortable, afraid, lonely, angry? Share your thoughts with the Lord. He wants to hear you.

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Hope for Bipolar Depression

Even in our darkest places, we will eventually realize that there is hope to get through our tragedies and hardships. What may seem hopeless one day, will lead into another, that will assure us that depression does not last forever. When we are in the middle of it, we cannot see the light, but upon reflection, many realize that there is room to grow and learn from our experiences, no matter how bleak and dark. I know this to be true when attempting to fight off the darkness that never seems to end.

Depression is an element of bipolar disorder that we can never escape, but it is truly in reaching out for help that will bring us on a journey of recovery and acceptance that makes it okay to not be okay. It is imperative to know that clinical depression is not always triggered by something in particular, and there is often not a ‘reason’ for the experience. We are plainly dealing with a mental illness that often has no specific logical circumstantial indicator. As we travel through the valleys, we just have to remember than one day, we will once again soar into a place of stability and balance. Taking the first step by reaching out may be the most difficult, but it is also one of the most vital decisions that you will ever have to make.

Keep your heads up guys and know that you too are worthy of understanding, acceptance, and empathy. Never be afraid to ask for the help that you so rightfully deserve.

The Lord Lifts Me Up Every Day


He made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever. He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry. The Lord frees the prisoners. The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down. The Lord loves the godly.
Psalms 146:6‭-‬8 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.146.6-8.NLT

Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Who Does Co-dependency Affect?

Co-dependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence. Originally, co-dependent was a term used to describe partners in chemical dependency, persons living with, or in a relationship with an addicted person. Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals. Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family.

What is a Dysfunctional Family and How Does it Lead to Co-dependency?

A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following:

  • An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling.
  • The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
  • The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.

Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited

Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.

How Do Co-dependent People Behave?

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine – and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.

They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.

The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

  • An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
  • A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
  • A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
  • A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
  • An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
  • An extreme need for approval and recognition
  • A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
  • A compelling need to control others
  • Lack of trust in self and/or others
  • Fear of being abandoned or alone
  • Difficulty identifying feelings
  • Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
  • Problems with intimacy/boundaries
  • Chronic anger
  • Lying/dishonesty
  • Poor communications
  • Difficulty making decisions

Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency

This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?

3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?

4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?

5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?

6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?

7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?

8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?

9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?

10. Have you ever felt inadequate?

11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?

12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?

13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?

14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?

15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?

16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?

17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?

18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?

19. Do you have trouble asking for help?

20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.

How is Co-dependency Treated?

Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. Treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.

When Co-dependency Hits Home

The first step in changing unhealthy behavior is to understand it. It is important for co-dependents and their family members to educate themselves about the course and cycle of addiction and how it extends into their relationships. Libraries, drug and alcohol abuse treatment centers and mental health centers often offer educational materials and programs to the public.

A lot of change and growth is necessary for the co-dependent and his or her family. Any caretaking behavior that allows or enables abuse to continue in the family needs to be recognized and stopped. The co-dependent must identify and embrace his or her feelings and needs. This may include learning to say “no,” to be loving yet tough, and learning to be self-reliant. People find freedom, love, and serenity in their recovery.

Hope lies in learning more. The more you understand co-dependency the better you can cope with its effects. Reaching out for information and assistance can help someone live a healthier, more fulfilling life.

 

Mirroring and Projection in the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

The Last Chardonnay

Excerpts taken from: https://narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2017/10/03/narcissistics-fun-house-mirrors-projection/

Life with a narcissist is a lot like living in a house of mirrors. Unreal reflections and projections meet you at every turn. At first you may feel dazzled, seduced by what the narcissist is showing you about yourself and him/her. But before long you feel trapped in a maze of grotesque distortions, with no apparent exit.

Narcissistic Mirroring

Mirroring, or reflecting back what others say and do, is a common behavior that many of us engage in, often unconsciously, to create rapport and show feelings of connectedness with others. We may, for example, adopt another person’s (or animal’s) energy level, facial expressions, body language, and tone to show understanding and empathy.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), on the other hand, take mirroring to extremes. Because early childhood circumstances prevent them from establishing a core sense of identity and self-worth, narcissists forever look to external…

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Miracle

Don’t you give up on a miracle
You’ve got to speak to the impossible,  oh
You’ve got to pray till you break through breaks through the ceiling keep on believing

 

Miracle

Have you stopped reaching?
No longer seeking greater things
Have you forgotten you have a Father listening? oh
He tells the sun when to rise
Gives the wind it’s breath
Swings a door wide open and moves in a moment you least expect

Don’t you give up on a miracle
You’ve got to speak to the impossible, oh
You’ve got to pray till you break through breaks through the ceiling keep on believing

Don’t you give up
Don’t you give up on a miracle
How many chances?
How many answers pass us by?
You know it takes faith to step on the waves when you’re terrified
So when you’re packed in a corner (corner)
And can’t wait any longer
Don’t you give up on a miracle
You’ve got to speak to the impossible, oh
You’ve got to pray till you break through breaks through the ceiling keep on believing
Don’t you give up
Don’t you give up on a miracle
Feels like the presents the words you’ve spoken
They go unnoticed like drops in the ocean
Just beyond the veil of your vision
Your mountains are moving, moving on
Remember the works his hand has done
Where you once were and how far you’ve come, oh

Don’t you give up on a miracle
You’ve got to speak to the impossible, oh
You’ve got to pray till you break through breaks through the ceiling keep on believing
Don’t you give up on a miracle (don’t you give up)
You’ve got to speak to the impossible, oh (you’ve got to speak, keep on believing)
Pray till you break through breaks through the ceiling keep on believing
Don’t you give up
Don’t you give up on a miracle
Pray till you break through breaks through the ceiling keep on believing
Songwriters: Jason Walker / Chad Mattson / Tedd Andrew Tjornhom / Jon Lowry
Miracle lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Capitol Christian Music Group
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Breathe

Gently breathe in God’s spirit, that spirit which, if not barred out by selfishness, will enable you to do good works. This means rather that God will be enabled to do good works through you. You can become a channel for God’s spirit to flow through you and into the lives of others. The works that you can do will only be limited by your spiritual development. Let your spirit be in harmony with God’s spirit and there is no limit to what you can do in the realm of human relationships.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may become a channel for God’s spirit. I pray that God’s spirit may flow through me into the lives of others.

Relax, “Let Go & Let God”, Everything Will Work Out for Your

God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggle and a reward for your Faithfulness. Don’t give up! God’s word teaches us to Cast our care upon the Lord. “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” [1 Peter 5:7]

I realize that learning to “let go” and “let God” is not as easy as it sounds, however, the bible reassures us to …”Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” [Psalm 55:22]

EXAMPLE:

Let’s consider Job’s trials. Job said: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” [Job 13:15]

QUESTION:

I pose this question to you: If you’re in constant turmoil and worrying, why do you pray? Is it just something you do because it’s tradition, or, do you truly seek God for peace and understanding?

1). Forming a “real” relationship with God provides a sense of security, revelation knowledge and mostly, “a peace that surpasseth all understanding.”

2.)The Bible says to, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” [Psalm 37:4] What we should understand mostly from this passage is the fact that there is a process of learning just how to “delight yourself in God.”

ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO HELP YOU

As you study God’s Word, you will learn to “Let Go & Let God!” Pray and sincerely ask the Holy Spirit to order your footsteps as you prepare to study God’s Word daily.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” [Jeremiah 29:11]

Worn

I love Worn by 10th Avenue North

https://g.co/kgs/3MHFJZ

I’m tired

I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

‘Cause I’m worn

I know I need

To lift my eyes up

But I’m too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

And my prayers are wearing thin

I’m worn even before the day begins

I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Yes all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn

Yeah I’m worn

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Jeff Owen / Mike Donehey

Worn lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC