Tag Archives: low-self esteem

My Battle

In the 20 years I have battled trich, I have tried so many strategies, treatments, and therapies. Nothing has worked as I am still here pulling out my hair. I think I had sort of given up hope of ever truly being free from this. I had come to a level of acceptance. Now after years of passivity, my will is renewed. I have promised myself to fight the urges with all that I have and use every resource I can get my hands on. I have a tool box filled with ever strategy that has ever helped, knowledge of new treatments I plan to try, a positive outlook, and this blog. I am going to try to write about my battle, to share my story with anyone who wants to listen. I’m going to be honest. I’m going to force myself to address the reality of this situation for probably the first time. Maybe this time I can beat it.

I remember exactly where I was the first time I started pulling out my hair. I was 6 years old and in first grade. I woke up in the morning with my long eyelashes stuck together so I began to pick at the goo. As I cleaned my lashes, I accidentally pulled one out. The sensation was surprisingly pleasant. This became a morning ritual, I would wake up and clean my eyes, allowing myself to pull out just a few lashes that were stuck together. ┬áBefore long, I found myself sitting in class pulling on my lashes without knowing when I had started. I hoped no one had noticed and vowed to stop this habit. Well that was 20 years ago, and I am still here pulling. These days I pull out my eyelashes, my eyebrows, and hair from my head. I’ve become an expert in makeup, as I started using eyeliner in third grade. I’ve mastered the art of not letting anyone get to close to me because I’m so ashamed of what I do and am embarrassed by what they will see.

I commit to an honest expression of my battle with trich. If I can help even one person in doing so, then this page is worth it. We must accept that trich does not define us and we can choose how much control it has over our lives. Yes it may affect our hair and appearance, but we can still lead full happy lives. For years I thought trich ruled my life, but I have come to see there is more. Anyone who truly cares about you will look past it and see you. They will love you and support your battle. If you are not ready to tell anyone else, let me be your partner because we are in this together.

Advertisements