Category Archives: Motivation

Trials are Temporary

A well-cared-for earthly life will grow like a green, healthy field, full of beautiful flowers, ripe for harvest. Yet, this field will wither, storms will destroy crops, and flowers will fall as seasons change. But, God’s Word endures forever.

When we decided to follow Jesus, we made a place for His Word to grow in our hearts. Our flesh will fail, but now with this seed planted in us we will live forever. Trials are temporary, but God’s Word in us—His life in us—is permanent.

Thank you God!!

This is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. It was the message in my morning devotional. I love it when God uses a devotional, scripture, or song to speak to me. I am struggling this week and He has been faithful in reminding me of his promises. He is my rock, my shelter from the storm, my healer, and my redeemed. Because he lives, I also have life. He shows me how to live life to the fullest and have peace despite my circumstances.

The things of the this world will fade away, but my relationship with Him  is everlasting and beyond my full understanding. I am so glad God baffles me. If I had a God who I could understand, He would not be that great of a God. My God is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and he loves me and you! He wants His children to call on His name and ask for forgiveness so he may dwell in our hearts. All we need to do is ask. It is by faith and not our actions that we are made to new. “He wants us as we are, not how we ought to be.” He will heal our brokenness if we let him and our sins will be washed away. ❤

Drops in the Ocean

By Hawk Nelson

I want you as you are not as you ought to be
Won’t you lay down your guard and come to me
The shame that grips you now is crippling
It breaks my heart to see you suffering
‘Cause I am for you
I’m not against you

If you wanna know how far my love can go
Just how deep
Just how wide
If you wanna see how much you mean to me
Look at my hands
Look at my side
If you could count the times I’d say you are forgiven
It’s more than the drops in the ocean,

Don’t think you need to settle for a substitute
When I’m the only love that changes you
And I am for you
I’m not against you
I am for you
I’m not against you

If you wanna know how far my love can go
Just how deep
Just how wide
If you wanna see how much you mean to me
Look at my hands
Look at my side
If you could count the times I’d say you are forgiven
It’s more than the drops in the ocean

Open your heart it’s time that we start again, oh oh oh
Open your heart it’s time that we start again, oh oh oh

If you wanna know how far my love can go
Just how deep
Just how wide
If you wanna see how much you mean to me
Look at my hands
Look at my side
If you could count the times I’d say you are forgiven
It’s more than the drops in the ocean, ooh ooh
The drops in the ocean, woah
I am for you
I’m not against you
I am for you
I’m not against you

Read more: Hawk Nelson – Drops In The Ocean Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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Suffering Produces Perseverance

I do not wish I never had trich or bipolar disorder. Although both come full of pain and suffering, there is another side. Working through my struggles has made me the person I am today. I don’t know if I would have have the same faith, spirit of perseverance, or compassion. I think my best traits have been developed through my pain. God did not cause my suffering, but He will use it for good.

I still hope to be pull free, but I am happy now as I am. My moods are relatively stable, and I have settled on a set of meds that works for me. I still pull, but it does not rule my life. Yes, I do spend a considerable amount of time practicing awareness and coping strategies. However, I do not feel like less of a person because I do this or because I am missing some hair. Everyone has some form of struggle in their life. Learning to use that suffering for good is the key to moving through it and finding a purpose for your pain. I read this devotional earlier today and thought that it lined up so well with the verse that has been on my heart, Romans 5:3-4.

Your Pain Often Reveals God’s Purpose for You

BY RICK WARREN — NOVEMBER 25, 2014

Your pain often reveals God’s purpose for you. God never wastes a hurt! If you’ve gone through a hurt, he wants you to help other people going through that same hurt. He wants you to share it. God can use the problems in your life to give you a ministry to others. In fact, the very thing you’re most ashamed of in your life and resent the most could become your greatest ministry in helping other people.
Who can better help somebody going through a bankruptcy than somebody who went through a bankruptcy? Who can better help somebody struggling with an addiction than somebody who’s struggled with an addiction? Who can better help parents of a special needs child than parents who raised a special needs child? Who can better help somebody who’s lost a child than somebody who lost a child?
The very thing you hate the most in your life is what God wants to use for good in your life.
The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 1, verses 4 and 6, “God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things” (NLT).
This is called redemptive suffering. Redemptive suffering is when you go through a problem or a pain for the benefit of others.
This is what Jesus did. When Jesus died on the cross, he didn’t deserve to die. He went through that pain for your benefit so that you can be saved and go to Heaven.
There are many different causes for the problems, pains, and suffering in your life. Sometimes the stuff that happens you bring on yourself. When you make stupid decisions, then it causes pain in your life. If you go out and overspend and buy things you can’t afford and presume on the future, and then you go deeply in debt and lose your house, you can’t say, “God, why did you let me lose my house?” You can’t blame God for your bad choices.
But in some of your problems, you’re innocent. You’ve been hurt by the pain, stupidity, and sins of other people. And some of the pain in your life is for redemptive suffering. God often allows us to go through a problem so that we can then help others.

Conflict in Relationships

img_5156Any type of stress, anxiety, anger, or conflict makes my pulling worse. It is a self-soothing behavior that helps me calm down and often dissociate from my feelings. Over the past few years, I have been working to use helpful strategies that help me relax without pulling my hair (which only leaves me feeling worse in the end).
As a high stress person, I have suffered with anxiety for most of my life. It still plagues me at times, but I have learned strategies to calm my mind and body. Taking a quick break from the situation, praying, practicing deep breathing, and trying to find a more positive outlook are some simple tools that have helped me.

If I catch myself being negative or getting stressed out, I try to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. In the past, I would catastrophize my situation. Now, I can identify those feelings and look for the truth.

  • Are my concerns based on truth?
  • Can I do anything about this?
  • Is there a more positive outlook I can strive for?
  •  If the worst case senario does play out, is it really that bad?

Beyond my stress and anxiety is anger that can cause relationship problems. The following article presents 3 ways to create conflict (and therein, 3 ways to avoid it). I know I am guilty of these and am making it a priority to avoid them. Reducing conflicts in our relationships, greatly increases our overall well-being.

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Three Sure Ways to Create Conflict

By Rick Warren

“Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (Proverbs 20:3 TEV).

Wise people are peacemakers, not troublemakers. Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder. They’re not always looking for a fight, and they don’t intentionally antagonize other people.

The fact is, if you’re around anybody for any length of time, you’ll figure out what that person does that irritates you, and you file that information in the back of your mind as a tool to use when you get in an argument. It becomes a personal “weapon of mass destruction”! When you get in an argument, and that person says something that hurts, offends, or slights you in any way, then you pull out the big gun. You push the hot button. And it works every time!

You know what the Bible calls that? Foolishness! You’re not getting any closer to the resolution. You’re not helping the relationship. In fact, you’re hurting it. It is not wise.

Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (TEV).


We all use tools, tricks of the trade, and skills in relationships that are actually counter productive. They’re hurtful, they’re harmful, and they don’t get you what you want out of relationships. In fact, they get you the exact opposite behavior. But when we lack wisdom, we use them anyway.

There are many of these tools, but here are just a few:

1. Comparing. Never compare your wife, your husband, your kids, your boss, or anybody else, because everybody’s unique. Comparing antagonizes anger.

2. Condemning. When you start laying on the guilt in a relationship, all you’re going to do is get the exact opposite of what you expect. It doesn’t work. It’s foolish.

3. Contradicting. William James, the famous psychologist said, “Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook.” There’s some stuff you just need to overlook.


The Bible says in Proverbs 14:29, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (TLB). Have you ever said or done anything stupid out of anger? Yes? Because when you get angry, your intelligence goes out the window. When you get angry, you say and do foolish things that are actually self-defeating.

Did you ever think about the fact that there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When you get angry, you are in dangerous territory. You are about to hurt others — and yourself — with your own anger.

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Small Victories

I made it 10 days without pulling my hair!

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We are often hardest on ourselves so after pulling a few hairs, I’m giving myself the same advice I would offer another trichsters who stopped pulling for any length of time and then pull again.

Don’t stop celebrating that victory just because you slipped up.

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Although it seems like all that work was for nothing, it’s not in vain. Every time you resisted the urge to pull was a small victory, another step closer to recovery. You are building strength and training yourself not to pull.

It’s a long hard process, but you’ve already done a lot of the work. You are learning ways to be aware and self-sooth without pulling. It didn’t start overnight so it will also take time to fully stop. Next time it will be that much easier. 💜

 

Persistence not Perfection

Trichy Insights

Let’s strengthen those weak muscles!  

Just persist until you are successful!

My solace tonight as I persist in my journey to recovery from trich comes from comments of some of the people on the Fairlight Bulletin Board posted on Amanda’s Trichotillomania Guide.

Definition of Success

I just wanted to add another observation to all that has been said about making a commitment to not pulling. Think of it as exercise. When I started walking a couple of months ago, I thought a mile was forever. Now that I’ve been walking regularly, my stamina has increased, and a mile goes by quickly. I can’t run a marathon (yet!), but I am stronger. In the same way, as we practice not pulling, we’re building “muscles” that make it easier not to pull. The first couple of weeks are horrible, but then it gets easier–if you persist. I’ve slipped a couple of times…

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Anxiety

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Anxiety is a major trigger for my pulling and mood swings. I used to suffer from panic attacks. I have learned to manage my anxiety before it gets to that point.

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When in therapy, I learned to chart my anxiety level on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a panic attack.  This chart included information on what happened before the episode and the steps I took to calm down. The charting process helped me understand underlying  factors and early signs of anxiety.

The most helpful strategies for me are very simple: take a 5 minute break, pray, or take 10 deep breathes. There are many other relaxation strategies I use when I have more time. Some of these include progressive muscle relaxation, calming music, tea, a bath, relaxation color books, fiddle toys, stress balls, head massager, etc. 2014368078-Anxiety

I read this today and thought it was helpful for anyone struggling with anxiety. I’m definitely adding these verses to my toolbox. 🙂

3 Simple Verses for the Anxious Mom

Here are 3 simple verses to reflect on when anxiety creeps in:

1.  Psalm 34:4 – I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

How can you seek the Lord?  Through worship, prayer, and Bible reading.  Focus on these key disciplines during your most anxious moments, and He’ll show Himself strong.  He’ll either deliver you from the fear and anxiety, or show you His strength by carrying you through.  He’ll give you the wisdom to move past fear into a place of peace.

2.  Psalm 86:15 – But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

His compassion is for YOU. He is gracious towards YOU. He is not angry with you, but rather He loves you with an extravagant love and he is faithful to see you through your struggles!

3. Philippians 4:11 – I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

There are times I’ve had to resolve in my mind that I was going to be content with where I was, regardless of the circumstances around me. I would worship despite the thorn in my side. I would pray,”God, if it’s not Your plan to change my situation, then help me be content. Help me pray through this. If You won’t change _____, then please change me. Give me the grace to get to the other side and give You glory.”

Precious mama, you are not “less than” or damaged goods.
None of us are perfect. We all have struggles. Satan will try to whisper lies in your ear; fight them with prayer and the word.

God has a plan for you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you more than you could ever imagine!

In grace,

Jaime, Like a Bubbling Brook

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(Note: If you feel your anxiety is severe and could be more than a spiritual struggle, you’ll find my post on depression and chronic anxiety helpful. There may be other causes to consider, such as hormonal imbalances or vitamin deficiencies.)

 

Treating the Whole Person: Part 2

Treating the Whole Person: A Personal User’s Guide, Part Two

Renae M. Reinardy, PsyD.,LP
Lakeside Center for Behavioral Change, PC
Fargo, ND

Reprinted from InTouch Issue 64, Winter 2012
© The TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. 2016. All Rights Reserved

As we bring in the New Year many people have the goal of making a significant change in their life. If you struggle with a body focused repetitive behavior (BFRB), that goal might be increased control over picking or pulling. In Part One of the Personal User’s Guide, we discussed how building a healthy foundation through nutrition, exercise and sleep are important to good health and decreased urges. We also looked at the balance of how we live our life in comparison to how we would like to spend our time and energy. Spirituality was also briefly discussed as a tool to improve our experience. Any one of these areas could be the focus for changes in the coming year. Do not overwhelm yourself, narrow your goals to what makes sense to you. The purpose of the Personal User’s Guide is to serve as a self-guiding compass. It is not a final destination, but a process of change.

Here are some other things to consider in planning your route in your personal change process. And, please pull out your notes from Part One.

My Mind

We are all actors in our internal soap operas. Our thoughts are incredibly powerful, yet we tend to just accept our internal script without much editing. Cognitive behavioral therapists encourage the process of cognitive restructuring. This involves identifying, challenging and replacing thoughts that are not true or helpful to us. It is good to look inside of your mind to make any helpful editorial changes to your internal script about BFRBs. Thoughts can involve perceptions of self control, permission-giving thoughts, perfectionism, and/or social judgments to name a few. Just like a soap opera, there tends to be many areas of dialog that can use some editing to more accurately reflect reality.

Identify: What is a thought that often comes up about your picking or pulling? How much do you believe it?
  • Is this thought true?
  • Is it helpful?
  • Is there another way of thinking about it that would be p helpful?Edited thought: What is my new self-care script about picking or pulling that is more positive, realistic, or takes a problem solving approach?

The script that we rehearse is the life that we choose to live. In addition to identifying, challenging and replacing toxic thoughts, it is also good to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves awareness of ourselves and how our mind functions. It is turning off autopilot. There is quite a bit of information out there on the benefits of mindfulness training. I would encourage you to practice a mindfulness activity daily. One thing at a time, being aware of ourselves and our activity in that moment. This also helps to improve awareness of BFRBs and can be a good substitute if your picking or pulling puts you into a “trance-like” state.

My Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers are very common in picking and pulling behavior. It is good to understand what emotions your BFRBs are trying to regulate. Do you pull when you are bored? Tired? Frustrated? Unsure? Angry? Excited? Intolerant of less than perfect skin or hair?

Most common emotional triggers:

  • What sparks your emotions?
  • What do you do to cope with emotions?
  • What can you do to cope with emotions?

Once you are aware of your emotional triggers, you can start to learn and practice some adaptive emotional coping skills. For example, if you notice strong picking or pulling urges when you are frustrated, it may be helpful to learn a relaxation exercise such as controlled breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Most cognitive behavioral therapists can help you identify which skills would be best for you to regulate trigger emotions.

Other Triggers

This article has already discussed some of the cognitive (thought-related) and emotional triggers of BFRBs, but it is important to look at other factors that may also influence your behavior. It is common for people to have certain locations that become conditioned as situational triggers (i.e., pulling in the car, picking when washing your face before bed, etc.). Sensory triggers are the fascinating experiences that people have when they pick or pull. It can be a tpingly scalp, the coarse feeling of a hair, a bump on the skin, or the pop of a blemish. There can be much satisfaction in these sensory cues, so it is important to understand if they are a factor for you, and what substitutes can be used to satisfy these sensory experiences.

Situational triggers:

Sensory triggers:

Other triggers:

My Strategies

In this section, take a few minutes to focus on one or two strategies/goals in each area. If it is overwhelming, break it down and focus on one area at a time. Once that becomes more of a habit add another to your daily routine. Remember to be flexible; there are often twists and turns in any journey.
There are a number of strategies that can be used; it may be helpful to review some of the resources on the “Resource Library” tab on The TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors’ website,www.bfrb.org, for some additional inspiration.

My Body: Diet, Exercise, Sleep

How will you meet physical needs to promote overall well-being?
Example: Decrease soda consumption to 2 cans per week

My Life:

How will you create a better match between the “ideal” and the “real?”
Example: Check work email no more than 2x per week at home

My Spirit:

What steps will you take to connect to something outside of yourself?
Example: Practice walking meditation twice per week

My Mind:

How will you edit your internal script?
Example: Challenge permission-giving thoughts like, “I will start tomorrow” with “Trich is getting restless, now is the time to use a strategy before I even start pulling”

My Emotions:

What are some different ways you can cope with emotions
Example: Practice breathing exercise when mind is racing before bed

My Other Triggers: Sensory, Situational, Habits

Example: Meet sensory needs by using fiddle toy while on computer

Example: Modify situation trigger by practicing quick in and out of bathroom without lingering

Example: Make picking or pulling more difficult by wearing a rubber fingertip

As you practice these new patterns you will find that they will become stronger and the BFRBs will decrease in the frequency and intensity of urges. It is important to remember that it is still a part of you, but it can go into “hibernation.” Monitor how you are doing and evaluate which strategies work best for you in getting and keeping your picking or pulling under control by giving your body and mind what it needs in other ways.

My Story
What is the direction you have decided to take on this journey?

 

 

Many good wishes on your path.

Dr. Renae Reinardy is the founder of the Lakeside Center for Behavioral Change in Fargo, ND. Prior to opening her own practice, Dr. Reinardy worked as a psychologist at the Behavior Therapy Center of Greater Washington in Silver Spring, Maryland. Dr. Reinardy specializes in the treatment of hair pulling and skin picking disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, compulsive hoarding, and related conditions. She has been an adjunct professor at the doctoral level and has presented numerous times at national conferences and at local meetings and trainings, including The TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors’ Annual Conferences and Retreats. Dr. Reinardy has been interviewed on Good Morning America, the Joy Behar Show, Dateline NBC, and A&E’s Hoarders. For more information, visit www.lakesidecenter.org.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Treating the Whole Person

imageTreating the Whole Person:

A Personal User’s Guide

By Renae M. Reinardy, PsyD., LP

There are many different ways for us to understand our experiences in life. I have not found it helpful for clients to be overly harsh or punishing in their efforts to produce the changes they want to make. Rather, it is good practice to take a comprehensive, wise and compassionate approach toward getting unstuck on the path to change. Everyone’s path is different, so I want to offer a few tips that might help you to write your own Personal User’s Guide. This includes taking care of your mind, body and spirit in a comprehensive manner, which I will briefly outline in this article. Please have a pen and paper handy for taking notes as we go along.

Before reading on, take a few minutes to write down what your pulling or picking means to you. Questions to help you start include: How did this journey start, what directions has it taken you in, what have you gained and what do you feel like you have lost, what works, what doesn’t, when did the behavior start, and what function does it serve?

The way that I conceptualize BFRBs is that they are like a friend who is trying really hard to make a person feel better, but they do not offer the best advice. Pulling and picking are often ways for one’s body to sort out sensory, emotional, cognitive, spiritual, and physical deregulation. This friend may offer some quick relief or distraction from these experiences, but often there are no lasting gains. Rather, it can lead to a vicious cycle of behavior which can feel out of control.

Somewhere along the way, many people lose track of what they need and have stopped listening to their inner core. Instead, they tried to quiet it with distracting and impermanent forms of relief or pleasure. Let’s look at a few components of the Personal User’s Guide to see if it is helpful in hearing one’s self better.

One of the first things that I work on with my clients is the “pillars of health”. This is learning how to take care of one’s body through proper nutrition, sleep, exercise and general self-care. Again, if a person has any deregulation in their body, there is a good chance that the BFRBs will pick up on that imbalance and try to fix the problem. Let’s try in a new way, by looking at what might be contributing to the problem in the first place. Please ask yourself to honestly answer the following questions:
Nutrition: What do I eat?

List some typical items you consume on a daily basis for the following meals:
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
Snacks
Caffeine
Vitamins:
Exercise: How and when do you exercise?

Sleep: What time do you wrap up your day?

How long does it take to fall asleep?
Do you wake up at night?
What time do I wake up in the morning?
Well, how does it look?

If you are like most of us, at least some improvement can be made in how we care for our bodies. Perhaps there are one or two things from the lists above you’ve always wanted to change, or believe if you COULD change, it would help with your BFRB management. Can you identify one small difference you could make to begin?

Over the past few years, there has been more research to support the role of nutrition in BFRBs, including sugar intake, and dietary supplements. Some people have had great success with the supplements N-acetylcysteine (NAC) and/orInositol (B- vitamin) decreasing urges to pick or pull. Work with your healthcare provider to determine if these might be appropriate for you. I have also found that my clients experience great benefit when sugar intake is reduced.

In our typical diet, we are often starving for good nutrients. Our diet must contain 5 essential items to be truly healthy: carbohydrates, proteins (1/5 of our calories), fats, water and minerals. Amino acids are the building blocks of protein which plays a role in every cellular function of the body. Out of 20 amino acids present in the body, 9 are essential, meaning that they must come from diet. Clinical nutritionists have found that deficiencies in B1, B2, B6, folate, B12, C, magnesium and zinc are related to a number of mental health conditions. Since many people do not get what they need from their diet, vitamin supplements are often needed in addition to dietary changes. Be sure to get a good natural vitamin that your doctor approves.

The “E” word. Research has proven the mental health benefits of exercise. It is believed that exercise stimulates the production of endorphins—the feel good hormone. Serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine are also released during exercise. (Do these sound familiar? Yep, these are same chemicals that are targeted with many psychotropic medications.) Other benefits of exercise include improved blood flow, increased brain function, increased oxygen, and removal of toxins through breathing and sweat. Time to dust off those shoes with the laces. Start gradually and set realistic goals. For example, if you’d like to exercise more, maybe start with just ten minutes of exercise every day. Ten minutes of walking at a faster pace, ten minutes of jogging, ten minutes on the treadmill or the elliptical….then when that gets easy, add five more minutes. Before you know it, you are exercising for an hour. Talk to your doctor if you have any medical conditions that would restrict exercise.

Sleep is another thing we all know is important, yet is one of the first things to go in our busy schedules. The average adult needs 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Research suggests that people who do not get adequate sleep tend to live shorter lives than those who do. Chronic sleep deprivation also leads to increased risk of obesity, diabetes and heart disease. When we sleep, we produce extra protein molecules to help us fight off infection, stress and toxins by helping the immune system mend our bodies. Take good care of your body and your body will take good care of you. Again, remember that picking and pulling serve a function. If any of these areas are out of whack, you may notice urges on the rise in attempts to self regulate.

Take the time to evaluate your pillars of health. When we rush things, they tend not to be effective. In working with my clients, I’ve found that focusing on the pillars of health can be a big factor in getting someone unstuck when a traditional behavioral and cognitive plan are not enough.
How I Live My Life

Another piece of the Personal User’s Guide that I want to cover in Part One is how we live our life. So many times people plow through the day, just to work toward another goal—the weekend, a long-awaited vacation, or milestones such as graduation, retirement, etc. Yikes! There is often quite a bit of time spent waiting for something good to happen!

Draw two circles in your notebook. Label one circle “real Life” and the other circle “Ideal Life.” In each circle complete a pie chart: one on how you spend your typical day and the other on how you would like to spend your day.

How do they compare? Is there anything that you can take from your ideal and build into your everyday/real life? It is important to take time now to spoil yourself a bit—listen to music, get and receive hugs, sing, pet an animal, smile, pray, make good wishes for others, take a nap, get a massage, acknowledge yourself and your accomplishments, or try to find a quiet place to rejuvenate. We often cannot live every moment in the ideal, but it is good to not get stuck in long patterns of unfulfillment.

Can you think of a few ways you can incorporate goals from your ideal life into your real life? Write them in your notebook.

Okay, one more thing to think about in Part One of your Personal User’s Guide: Spirituality.

Pretty big topic and I am not talking about religion, although that can fall into this category. Focusing on one’s spirituality involves developing an inner life to experience greater connectedness through practices such as prayer, meditation and contemplation. These practices help us to experience a more comprehensive sense of self and the interrelatedness to others, nature and/or religious experiences. Recent research has shown the medical and emotional benefits of these practices including a more complex range of brain activity, stress relief, decreased heart rate, improved lung capacity, and decreased anxiety, to name a few. Please take a few moments and think of how you might summarize your spiritual life.
My Spirit: Take some notes on the following questions

What gives me inner strength and connectedness to things outside of myself ?
How can I build on this?

In Part Two of the Personal User’s Guide, we will discuss emotions, thoughts, and behavioral strategies that can help give your body what it needs. By learning and listening to ourselves it is possible to improve one’s overall well-being and decrease undesirable behaviors and patterns. In the meantime, best wishes in reinforcing or changing any experiences that you may have realized in completing.

This is part 1 of a two-part article. Read part 2, here >>

Dr. Renae Reinardy is the founder of the Lakeside Center for Behavioral Change in Fargo, ND. Prior to opening her own practice, Dr. Reinardy worked as a psychologist at the Behavior Therapy Center of Greater Washington in Silver Spring, Maryland. Dr. Reinardy specializes in the treatment of hair pulling and skin picking disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, compulsive hoarding, and related conditions. She has been an adjunct professor at the doctoral level and has presented numerous times at national conferences and at local meetings and trainings, including The TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors’ Annual Conferences and Retreats. Dr. Reinardy has been interviewed on Good Morning America, the Joy Behar Show, Dateline NBC, and A&E’s Hoarders. For more information, visit http://www.lakesidecenter.org.

 

 

How Long Does it Take to Break a Habit?

image.jpegYes Trich is more than a ‘bad habit’. However, it is an unwanted behavior that I believe can be unlearned or changed.

My goal is to break this ‘habit’. I have been working at this since beginning this blog 2 years ago. Yes, I tried to stop pulling before that, but my mindset changed. I was willing to do everything I could, including changing my mindset.

Before a bad habit or unwanted behavior can be changed or stopped, I believe you need to change your thinking. Your thinking rules everything you do. This is why cognitive therapy is effective. The fist step of changing your thinking is to accept that you have a real disorder that causes you to pull your hair. It is not a lack of will power or discipline that keeps you in the cycle of hair pulling and self-loathing that often directly follows pulling. Click here for more information about Commitment and Acceptance Therapy.

Once you have changed your thinking, you can focus more on the unwanted behavior (hair pulling or any behavior). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy follows this approach (CBT).

According to The OCD Center of Los Angeles:

“The most effective treatment for Trichotillomania is a combination of various types of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Perhaps the most important of these is called Habit Reversal Training (HRT). HRT is based on the principle that hair pulling is a conditioned response to specific situations and events, and that the individual with Trichotillomania is frequently unaware of these triggers. HRT challenges Trichotillomania in a two-fold process. First, the individual with Trichotillomania learns how to become more consciously aware of situations and events that trigger hair-pulling episodes. Second, the individual learns to utilize alternative behaviors in response to these situations and events.

Other Cognitive-Behavior Therapy techniques can be used as adjuncts to HRT in the treatment of Trichotillomania. Among these are Stimulus Control techniques and Cognitive Restructuring. Stimulus Control techniques involve utilizing specific physical items as “habit blockers” to restrict the ability to pull hair, while Cognitive Restructuring helps an individual with Trichotillomania learn to think differently in response to the urge to pull their hair.
Skin Picking and Hair Pulling – Reflections

One of the most effective CBT developments for the treatment of Trichotillomania is Mindfulness Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The primary goal of Mindfulness-Based CBT is to learn to non-judgmentally accept uncomfortable psychological experiences. From a mindfulness perspective, much of our psychological distress is the result of trying to control and eliminate the discomfort of unwanted thoughts, feelings, sensations, and urges. In other words, our discomfort is not the problem – our attempt to control and eliminate our discomfort is the problem. For those with Trichotillomania, the ultimate goal of mindfulness is to develop the ability to more willingly experience their uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, sensations, and urges, without pulling their hair. To learn more about Mindfulness Based CBT for the treatment of Trichotillomania, click here.

Here’s how long it takes to break a habit, according to science
*You’re gonna need more than will power.
SIGNE DEAN 24 SEP 2015

From daily tooth-brushing to the 11am coffee, we all have dozens of habits that get us through our daily routine. Some are great – weekly gym visits are often encouraged – others not so much, like smoking a pack a day, or dialling the number of the pizza place way too often. Because we recognise our habits as useful or detrimental behaviours, we often strive to shape them accordingly.

There’s no shortage of apps out there designed to help you form a habit, and many of those are built on the assumption that all you need is 21 days. This number comes from a widely popular 1960 book called Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon who noticed his patients seemed to take about 21 days to get used to their new faces.
However, according to a 2009 study, the time it takes to form a habit really isn’t that clear-cut. Researchers from University College London examined the new habits of 96 people over the space of 12 weeks, and found that the average time it takes for a new habit to stick is actually 66 days; furthermore, individual times varied from 18 to a whopping 254 days.

The take-away message here is that if you want to develop a new behaviour, it will take at least two months, and you shouldn’t despair if three weeks doesn’t do the trick – for most people that’s simply not enough. Stick with it for longer, and you’ll end up with a habit you can keep without thinking.

But what about trying to break an unwanted habit?

It turns out the two – habit forming and breaking – can be quite closely linked. As psychologist Timothy Pychyl explains to Alison Nastasi at Hopes and Fears, they’re two sides of the same coin: “Breaking a habit really means establishing a new habit, a new pre-potent response. The old habit or pattern of responding is still there (a pattern of neuron responses in the brain), but it is less dominant (less potent).”

From daily tooth-brushing to the 11am coffee, we all have dozens of habits that get us through our daily routine. Some are great – weekly gym visits are often encouraged – others not so much, like smoking a pack a day, or dialling the number of the pizza place way too often. Because we recognise our habits as useful or detrimental behaviours, we often strive to shape them accordingly.

There’s no shortage of apps out there designed to help you form a habit, and many of those are built on the assumption that all you need is 21 days. This number comes from a widely popular 1960 book called Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon who noticed his patients seemed to take about 21 days to get used to their new faces.
However, according to a 2009 study, the time it takes to form a habit really isn’t that clear-cut. Researchers from University College London examined the new habits of 96 people over the space of 12 weeks, and found that the average time it takes for a new habit to stick is actually 66 days; furthermore, individual times varied from 18 to a whopping 254 days.

The take-away message here is that if you want to develop a new behaviour, it will take at least two months, and you shouldn’t despair if three weeks doesn’t do the trick – for most people that’s simply not enough. Stick with it for longer, and you’ll end up with a habit you can keep without thinking.

But what about trying to break an unwanted habit?

It turns out the two – habit forming and breaking – can be quite closely linked. As psychologist Timothy Pychyl explains to Alison Nastasi at Hopes and Fears, they’re two sides of the same coin: “Breaking a habit really means establishing a new habit, a new pre-potent response. The old habit or pattern of responding is still there (a pattern of neuron responses in the brain), but it is less dominant (less potent).”

“It’s much easier to start doing something new than to stop doing something habitual without a replacement behaviour,” says neuroscientist Elliot Berkman. “That’s one reason why smoking cessation aids such as nicotine gum or inhalers tend to be more effective than the nicotine patch.”

Experts agree that there’s no typical time frame for breaking a habit, and the right recipe is going to be a mix of personality, motivation, circumstances, and the habit in question. “People who want to kick their habit for reasons that are aligned with their personal values will change their behaviour faster than people who are doing it for external reasons such as pressure from others,” says Berkman.

According to psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, sometimes a habit can be broken quickly: “In extreme cases, the habit can be broken instantly, such as if you happen to become violently ill when you inhale cigarette smoke or nearly get hit by a bus when texting and walking.” But in most cases it’s going to take longer than that, and you should probably allow for at least two months.

To successfully break a habit, you need to think of your strongest motivation, which will drive you along. Think of a ‘replacement behaviour’ for the habit, but make sure it’s a positive one – replacing smoking with snacking is a common trap, for example. And be patient. The longer you’ve had a habit, the longer it will take to get rid of it.

“Longtime habits are literally entrenched at the neural level, so they are powerful determinants of behavior,” explains Berkman. “The good news is that people are nearly always capable of doing something else when they’re made aware of the habit and are sufficiently motivated to change.”

So stay strong, you can do it.