Long-Lasting Change

Five factors are necessary for long-lasting change.

We must:

• accept that we have a problem;

• want to solve the problem;

• identify a solution that works;

• implement this solution–do the work; and

• perform the necessary maintenance.

All of these factors must be in place before any long-lasting change will occur in anyone. For our self, we must honestly assess the problem and acknowledge the full repercussions it is causing in our life; then we must develop a sincere desire to change. This acceptance and “want to” are great starting points but accomplish little or nothing unless followed with proper action. We must find a solution that has been proven to solve this specific problem and do the work necessary to make that solution active in our life. And there is always maintenance; the old habits and things that caused the original problem are deeply rooted and do not simply disappear; we only acquire the new and more desirable traits with conscious, persistent practice.

These five factors also clarify why we cannot make another person change. When facing a true problem, the person with the problem must accept the reality of the problem and develop a genuine desire for change. If we recognize a problem affecting the life of a person we love, we examine our motives to see if it is really any of our business; if so, we try to objectively explain the situation and the facts as we see them but always realize that each person must find his or her own acceptance of the problem and the desire to find a solution. We cannot do it for them.

Prayer: Dear God, help me to clearly see what I must change so that I can live the life you want for me. Grant me the strength and guidance to make these changes.

Progress

Started NAC & Inositol on 7/28/19

Just Keep Swimming

It’s been a while since I checked in and talked about my pulling. Perseverance though this uphill battle is not easy. Everyday I need to make a conscious effort to resist the urge to pull. Some days are good and I barely pull, while other days it seems I can’t stop. I still hope to be pull free one day, but accept where I am and see this as a process. It’s so engrained in my being that I don’t even know what life is like without pulling. I’ve had short remission periods, but never more than a few months.

I refuse to give up or become complacent. If I didn’t try I’d have way less hair so in a way I’m making progress. My recovery includes acceptance of my current situation and faith that it will change through awareness, commitment, helpful behaviors, following my rules (see below) a positive attitude, balance, mood stabilization, barriers, the John Kender diet, and supplements.

I had given up on the supplements because of some stomach issues which have resolved. I’m going to try my regimen of NAC, inositol, and the John kender diet again. I’ll also resume charting my pulling as that has always helped with my awareness. I’ll be checking in periodically with updates on my current supplements and pulling progress. I’ll use my daily score of 0-10 to rate my pulling. I’m going to post my supplement plan and rating system for anyone looking to follow it. These two tools have helped me most over my 25 years of battling trich.

The John Kender Diet

Basically , it’s a nutritional and skin care approach. First, try not eating sugar, caffeine, and chocolate. Have some dry red wine or uncaffinated tea instead. These should have an effect in about two or three days. Then, avoid peanuts, chickpeas beans, egg yolks, tuna, and waxes. These should have an effect in about 10 days. Take magnesium gluconate, and take borage oil. Use Shampoos with selenium (Selsun) or Nizoral. Keep a food diary to help you track your own particular triggers. Keep your hair and hands clean. Wash your lashes with baby shampoo hot compresses. Watch out for pet fur.   Apply fresh cut ginger, or miconazole nitrate cream, or propylene glycol/aloe vera/rubbing alcohol, or eyewash/vinegar. Use Sea Breeze or Band-Aid Anti-Itch gel for emergency hot spot care.

 Treatments: Supplements

NAC

I take NAC (N-acetylcysteine) 3- 600mg capsules of NAC (N-acetylcysteinen) in the morning and 3-600mg capsules in the evening, giving me a total of 3600mg of NAC. Doses between 1200-3600mg may be helpful according to this article.

Inositol

It is generally agreed that a large dose is needed for inositol to be effective with trich. I worked my way up to 18g per day. I do this by mixing 3 teaspoons or 1 tablespoon of inositol in water 3 times a day. I have found the Jarrow brand powder dissolves best. It is available on amazon for a reasonable price. I mix it with warm water as it dissolves better that way. You can add it to fruit juice or other sweetened drinks.  I simply mix the powder with ~3 oz.

Rules:

#1 Where Bandaides or other barriers whenever possible, if not wearing them use fiddle toy /keep hands below neck and BE AWARE.

#2 Avoid mirrors. Don’ t stand close, do makeup quickly, avoid touch ups or unnecessary glances.

#3 Keep hands off of face. Don’t touch hair or eyes. Use only one finger or utensil if need to itch or touch eye/head and don’t linger. BE AWARE.

#4 Change activity when triggered before pulling begins.

#5 When stressed find way to take a break and relax (at least 1 minute deep breathing break).

Rating my Progress

Good Days 0-3

0=no pulling

1=0-5 hairs

2= 5-10

3 = 10-20

Bad Days

4=20-30

5=30-50

6=50-70

7=70-100

8=100+

9=too many/couldn’t count

What Matters Most in Your Life

What Comes First in Your Life?

Do you  value love most? God is love. By putting God first, everything else will fall into place. We will best love and support ourselves, our family and our friends. By choosing love, we put God first. He is a light in the darkness, our helper in the storm. If we seek Him first, He will help us and show us how to love others and how to take care of ourselves.

God loves us more than we can imagine and only wants the best for us. God does not cause bad things to happen. We live in a lost and broken world plagued with darkness. The good news is that light has overcome the darkness. This is not our home. and as the song says, “We are just taking the long way home”  (Steven Curtis Chapman-lyrics) There is something better. God sees the whole story beginning to end and He has defeated death. We only need to have faith. We can never earn His love. We are all broken in our own way. No one is perfect and God doesn’t expect us to be.

However, He knows our heart and true motives. If we honestly pursue God first and want His will for our lives, He will use all things for good. That terrible heartache, health problem, broken relationship, addiction, or other struggle is nothing compared to the power of God. In order to use that power to be an overcomer, we must have faith and rely on God’s strength to pull us through. We will never make it on our own.

I am going though a really hard time right now. After a while with stable moods, my bipolar disorder  is causing major issues in my life. My previously helpful medication and treatment plan have not worked to push this mania away. It crept up over a year ago. There have been ups and downs, but for the most part I have been hypomanic. Stress and other triggers cause it to flare up. This is the case these last few weeks. I am battling anxiety, struggling to sleep, my mind is scattered, memory disabled, and thoughts are constantly racing.  Although I try to contain them, my words keep spilling out. I try to do what I know works. I set A schedule, try and get enough sleep, prioritize tasks, spend time with God, and avoid triggers such as caffine. If I suddenly get the urge to organize everything, I need to step back and think about my thinking. Why do I suddenly have a desire to do the chores I usually put off because I dislike them so much?

I know I need to put God first. They only way for me to get better is to rely on Him. He loves me and wants what is best for me. When my mind is scattered and I struggle to make good choices. God leads me along the right path and carries me when I am too week to walk.

God also helps me through others. My family loves and supports me. I try to listen to their advice and accept their help. Normally, I try  to do everything myself. Obviously that has not worked. I need to let go of my pride and take care of myself. I know I will come through this and be better for it. My pain serves A purpose and I will persevere!

How Do We Put God

First, ask God to help you put him, ask him to help you see what to do, and to guide your steps

Have faith that God keep His promises. You are loved more than you know. You are forgiven through grace. Trust that He wants what is best for you and that if you rely on Him, you will overcome your struggles and find true joy.

Eliminating obstacles such as, desires for fortune and fame, work overload, addiction, or other temptations by confessing them to God.

In place of sin, struggle, and heartache, we are to rely fully on Christ. We do this by being accountable to a Godly friend, spending time in God’s Word and prayer every day, attending and becoming involved with church worship regularly, and listening to Godly music and messages are a few ways to put on Christ. A little bit of sin can add up to making provision for the flesh, so putting on Christ will add up to making provision for the Holy Spirit.

Prayer: You are Holy, Lord. Thank you for the Blood of Jesus to wash us and cleanse us from sin. As a born again believer I ask You to help me to put off these things that hinder my life from being completely surrendered to You and show me the ways to put on Christ so that I may please You. Amen.

“Long Way Home”
by Steven Curtis Chapman | from the album re:creation

I set out on a great adventure
The day my Father started leading me home
Said theres gonna be mountians to climb
And valleys were gonna go through

But I had no way of knowing
Just how hard this journey could be
Cause the mountians are steeper
And the valleys are deeper than I ever would had dreamed

But I know were gonna make it
And I know were gonna get there soon
And I know sometimes it seems like, were going the wrong way
But its just the long way home

Some rocks on my shoes
Fears I wish I could lose
That make the mountians so hard to climb
And my heart gets so heavy with the weight of the world sometimes

There’s a bag of regrets,
Should’ve beens, and not yets
That keep on dragging around
And I can hardly wait till the day I get to lay them all down

I know that day is coming
I know its gonna be here soon
I won’t turn back even if the whole world says I’m going the wrong way
Cause its just the long way home

When we cant take another step
The Father will pick us up and carry us in His arms
And even on the best days, He says to remember were not home yet
So don’t get too comfortable
Cause we are just pilgrams passing through

I know that day is coming
I know were gonna be there soon
I keep on singing and believing
What all of my songs say

Cause our God has made a promise
And I know everything He says is true
He promised He would never ever leave us
He’s gonna lead us
He’ll lead us home

Every single step of the long way home
So keep on, were gonna make it
Were just taking the long way home
So keep on, were gonna make it
I know, were gonna make it
Its just the long way home

Small Victories

I made it 10 days without pulling my hair!

We are often hardest on ourselves so after pulling a few hairs, I’m giving myself the same advice I would offer another trichsters who stopped pulling for any length of time and then pull again.

Don’t stop celebrating that victory just because you slipped up.

Although it seems like all that work was for nothing, it’s not in vain. Every time you resisted the urge to pull was a small victory, another step closer to recovery. You are building strength and training yourself not to pull.

It’s a long hard process, but you’ve already done a lot of the work. You are learning ways to be aware and self-sooth without pulling. It didn’t start overnight so it will also take time to fully stop. Next time it will be that much easier. 💜

 

Steps to Recovery

The Path to Recovery: An Overview and Reminder

I believe the path to hair pulling and skin picking recovery includes the following steps:

1) Learn to accept & love yourself whether you’re pulling or not If you withhold self-acceptance until you have complete recovery you create a battle ground within yourself. (Read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.) This is NOT the same as giving up, or accepting the pulling will never change. This is accepting yourself, regardless of whether you are still pulling or picking; not making your self love conditional.

2) Keep a calendar and rate each day from 0 to 10, 0 being 0 pulling or picking, 10 being your worst day. This will be your “scale” so that you can see improvement, even if you can’t see it on your head, face or body. If one month has 9s, 8s and 7s, and the next has 8s, 6s and 4s, you may not see a physical change yet, but you are on your way. This helps when you have a bad day. My blog at HelpForHairPullers.blogspot.com will expand on this.

3) People always ask, Is there a substitute for pulling or picking? Something I can do with my hands? I say, the real substitute is something you do with your MIND. If you usually go go go all day, and then suddenly sit down to watch a movie, get on the computer, read, and find yourself pulling or picking, then pulling is aiding you in the transition from doing to not-doing. Instead of trying to fight the pulling, you want to adopt a nightly ritual that will help the body release stress Before you sit down to read, watch TV, et al. I suggest before you sit down with a book or TV, SIT for FIVE minutes and either do a relaxation exercise (inhale relaxation, exhale stress, tension & tightness) or do a mindfulness meditation for five minutes. Your mind & body then get a chance to make the transition into a state of relaxation. Your urges will begin to lessen as you do this since you’ve already addressed one of the reasons you have urges.

4) Bring awareness to your conscious mind: I once worked with a 60-ish woman who had a severe cuticle picking problem. It was so bad her hands were bloody and nicked, and she was deeply ashamed. I asked her if she did this all day or at specific times. Oh it’s always the same, she said. I sit down at 5pm for an hour before my husband comes home and read the paper and have a glass of wine. That’s when I pull. So I asked her, Do you think about it before you sit down? Do you bring to mind the fact that this a dangerous time for you? She said she did not. “I guess I don’t want to think about it because I’m always hoping that I won’t do it.” When I asked her if there was ever a time in the past 35 years that she didn’t pick, she said no. I explained that what she called “hope,” I called denial. I urged her to simply acknowledge to herself before she sat down that this was a danger time for her, and it was important to be aware. This often is not always enough to make a change, but for this woman, acknowledging to herself before hand that this was a dangerous time for her allowed her to stop picking entirely.   For other people it is one small piece in the bigger puzzle of trich and CSP recovery.

5) Until you understand & accept that recovery is a gradual process, you are unlikely to be able to recover long term. Pullers and pickers often proudly tell me they are perfectionists. Here’s the problem. If you are perfectionist, you are, by definition, a failure. Humans are not perfect, cannot be. So if you set a standard for yourself that is unattainable, you will always feel bad about yourself. The reason I suggest using a daily number (#2 above) is because recovery is generally a two steps forward, one step back kind of thing. The reason it’s so tough to recover from these disorders is that it’s quite common to have a “bad day” after having several good ones. And it’s just as common to think to yourself, “Oh boy, I ruined everything. Here I was doing well, and now I’ve messed it up. I guess I’ll NEVER recover, so I MIGHT AS WELL JUST PULL (or pick). That voice–the one that tells you that you’ll “never” recover? That’s the trich or CSP addiction talking. Think about it. If you tell yourself that you’ll “never recover,” you’re free to pull or pick! If you are a perfectionist about this, you are saying that either you suddenly stop and stay stopped 100% or you are a failure. Since that’s unlikely to happen, you in fact have now made it impossible to recover. What if, in order to get to zero, you have to achieve less and less pulling first? You might say, I did so well for three weeks, and I “ruined” everything all in one day. NOPE, not true, that’s impossible in fact. If you pulled very little or none for three weeks, and had one bad day, that means 21 of 22 days were good or even great. This is a huge improvement. And yes, I understand that you pulled out a bunch of hair and picked a bunch of skin. However, you didn’t “ruin” your progress. The more days you have where you pull less, the faster overall you’ll grow back your hair or heal up your skin.

6) Change your short-term goal. If your goal is to have your hair back or to have your skin clear, that’s always six months in the future. Your short term goal must be to feel good about yourself for improving and to validate yourself for any gains made, including gains made in awareness and self-talk, as opposed to lessening of the behavior. If you often say, I was so “good” for a while; now I’ve “messed” things up again. I have so little hair, or my skin is so messed up, “what’s the point” in trying to stop now. I look terrible anyway (and I’ll probably just pull or pick tomorrow). Here’s the POINT: You will feel better about yourself later if you pull even a little bit less right now. And if you don’t, you can learn to celebrate small victories.  You have to admit you will probably feel bad if you continue to pick or to pull. So at the very least you are avoiding that. The POINT is, recovery is gradual. The hair and the clear skin come later: the small steps happen now. The POINT is, taking any step, however small, is a step toward recovery.  This is a great point! The POINT is, Hey, even though I tried to tell myself that my hair is so messed up I might as well pull, I did NOT pull. Each day that goes on, and that you pull a little less, is another day that you can remind yourself, hey, I’m doing this. I’m making small steps these will add up. Good for ME! And every day you are able to pull or pick the smallest bit less, you are closer to the long term goals around hair or skin.

Changing the way you look at this so you understand it is not your fault that you have trich (but like any other disorder you could have, it’s your responsibility to yourself to address it), encouraging and supporting yourself as you recover, becoming more mindful, taking five minutes before those transition times to relax your body and mind, keeping track of the days with a single number (so you can look back and see that, hey, overall the numbers are getting lower), and accepting yourself no matter what, these are all important pieces on the path to recovery. Everyone can get there. Congratulations. You are on the path.

Healthy Living in God Centered Life, Heart, and Home is my Key to Healing and Peace from all My Struggles

This past week has been very hard for me. I am bipolar. My postpartum hormones and inability to take mood stabilizers while breast feeding has made this last year challenging.

I was determined to keep a balanced mind and hopeful outlook, even though I was rapidly see-sawing from extreme depression, to numbness, to high anxiety and a racing mind.

I have been fighting a mania for  a few months now. It got worse in the beginning of April when both my van and my husband’s car broke down on the same day. The added stress of this caused a major fight between my husband and I. My anxiety escalated exponentially and I could’t sleep.

If I don’t get an average of 7-8 hours of sleep per night, I start to become manic. I can feel it coming on and usually try to get a few long nights of sleep. This generally brings me back to earth.

Unfortunately last Tuesday the insomnia and anxiety ramped up even further due in part to PMDD. I have been fighting it, but I keep spiraling further into a full blown manic episode.

My family is concerned and I am nervous too. God is helping me stay in touch with reality, but completing ever day tasks as a SAHM of 4 is overwhelming to say the least. I need help and I have learned to reach out. My family is amazing!! I would be lost without their unconditional love and support.  My husband, parents, and sisters have helped with the kids.

I am using all the tools I learned in therapy to cope and level out. However, they are not cutting it this time. I need a psychiatrist and some medication. My former doctor retired and I could not find anyone who takes my insurance for the past year. Finally, an office I formerly attended had an opening. I got an appointment, but it was a month out from when the mania really amped up in April. I am now much worse and I still have to wait a week for the doctor. 

I am scared and trying to get in earlier, but I don’t know if that’s possible. I am clinging to God right now and he is giving me peace. My daily devotional spoke especially true to my heart today and I felt the need to share here. My God is my rock, my refuge in the storm. He is my healer and the maker of heaven and earth. I know He will not give me more than I can bear, so he must think I’m awefully strong.  I am not sure what he is preparing me for.  I feel once I overcome this, I will do great things in His name. He can do anything and I am continuing to pray for complete healing from bipolar disorder and trich.

To end on positive not, my pulling has significantly decreased over the last two weeks. I did not pull at all for the last two days and have also had several good days. This comes after a year of bad pulling so it is such a relief. The urge is lower and I am more aware. Fingers crossed.

***UPDATE***

May 21, 2016

After meeting with my new doctor, I started the same medication regimen I had in the past. It has been over 3 years since I have regularly taken medication; I have had 2 babies close together. I became pregnant unexpectedly with my third child in February 2013, and again in August 2014…so I have been off medication since February 2013 (3+ years 😳).

I stayed remarkably well balanced, but recently my mania has been impending. I am fighting it, but it’s slowly overtaking me. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am continually giving my struggles to God because he can fight for me much better than I ever could. I have peace in His love, omnipotent, and omnipresent ways. ❤️🙏💐🌈🚇⛅️😊

How to Help Your Family Grow
By Rick Warren

“Since I … have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you” (John 13:14-15 NLT, second edition).

If one of the marks of an awesome family is that we help each other grow, how do you do that?

Let me give you two ways that help people grow and two ways that don’t. This applies in every area of life.

Help each other grow:

1. Through example. Jesus did this in teaching the disciples. John 13:14-15 says,“Since I … have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you” (NLT, second edition).Your kids don’t want to hear a sermon. They want to see Jesus’ example in your life.

2. Through conversations. If you’re not having critical conversations with your kids about real issues, they’re not growing. Unfortunately most conversations we have with kids are about schedule, eating, or homework and not about the stuff that really matters in life.

The Bible says in Deuteronomy 6:7, “You must teach [God’s commandments] to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk; at bedtime and the first thing in the morning” (TLB).

Now let me tell you two ways that don’t work to help people grow:

1. Through criticism. Nagging doesn’t work. Condemning doesn’t work. Criticizing and complaining are totally ineffective in helping a person change. Why? Because when you criticize, you’re focusing on what you don’t want rather than what you do want.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice.”

2. Through comparing. Everybody’s unique. There’s nobody in the world like you! That’s why comparing never, ever works. In fact it’s lethal to any relationship. The Bible says, “Each person should judge his own actions and not compare himself with others. Then he can be proud for what he himself has done” (Galatians 6:4 NCV).

Your Outlook is Key

IT IS IMPORTANT TO LOOK AT YOUR OVERALL PULLING TREND RATHER THAN THE # OF PULL FREE DAYS.  IF PULL FREE IS YOUR FOCUS ONE BAD DAY COULD BRING YOU DOWN, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE, THEN YOU CAN PUT THAT ONE BAD DAY IN PERSPECTIVE WITH ALL OF THE GOOD DAYS.  I HAVE BEEN RATING MY PULLING BASED ON THE SYSTEM CLAUDIA MILES DESCRIBES IN THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE.

You CAN Recover From Hair Pulling in 2016: Here is How

There’s all this talk about CBT therapy being the “most” effective. I agree more with the “C” (cognitive) part than the “B” part (behavioral). The bottom line is, if you don’t change the way you look at hair pulling* (*applies to skin picking throughout) there is no lasting recovery. Just today someone told me, “I was doing better and having lower numbers* for several months. Then I started pulling more and more and felt hopeless, and now I’m back where I was.” (*Earlier in this blog I suggest people write down ONE number every day re their pulling or picking. Rate your pulling from 0 to 10, 0 being zero pulling, 10 being your worst day. That will be your “scale.” That will be the one and only way you know you are recovering. NOT the hair on your head or lashes or brows. JUST the numbers. And the goal is to move from month to month having overall lower numbers with the understanding that you will have some bad days and that real success is accepting those and moving on.)

The person above who did better for a while and then had some bad days and felt hopeless again and gave up, her story embodies all our stories. Whether the length of time you’ve done better is a few months, a few weeks, a few days, a few hours or a few minutes, and the return to increased pulling is a moment, a day or a week, that step backwards is everyone’s undoing. It was my story when I was pulling. Unless you can live through that moment and know it’s part of the process, CBT or meditation or any other method will fail You. Because recovery is, will be, two steps forward, one step back. It will be three steps forward, two steps back. It may be eight steps forward, five steps back. You have not “gone backward,” you have not “undone your progress.” Because progress won’t show on your head or your face (lashes, brows, skin) until later. Until you’ve done well, had that bad day or two, put it into context (the addiction trying to trick you into hopelessness so you will pull or pick), accepted it, checked not your hair or face right then but rather the general improvement in overall numbers, you CAN NOT RECOVER. Once you can see that those bad days will come and not let them deter you, your recovery is ASSURED.

Prepare for that. Because as you learn to live without the comfort of pulling to turn to, the part of your psyche where your addiction is lodged, will get scared. For food addicts it is scary not to have comfort food to turn to. And that fear will inevitably cause, urge, cajole and tempt you to binge on something in the midst of changing over to healthy eating and moderation. With pulling that fear will cause you to have a few binge pulling days. And if at that time you say, “Forget it. I can’t do this. I messed up. I failed, I’ll never lose the weight,” YOU WILL GIVE UP. You will say, as we all have, what’s the point? It doesn’t matter. I’ve ruined it.

Ah but you have not. Because you won’t stop suddenly and completely. You’ll stop gradually. And you’ll have bad days in there. And if you learn not to judge them or panic or tell yourself, SEE I have failed, THEN you will have succeeded. Eventually you won’t have to have those bad days. But the problem isn’t those bad days. It’s allowing those INEVITABLE bad days to stop you.

Because this will take a year. A year on the path. And then your hair will grow back. Your skin will heal. And if you demand this take three months, well it just won’t happen at all. I know a year is a long time. But so is FOREVER. Do you want to pull one more year or forever?

During this year your motivation simply cannot be about how you look or your hair growing in but about feeling good about yourself. About feeling whole. Saying “fuck it I’m ugly” is the addiction talking. Saying “there is no point” is the addiction talking. Saying “I don’t care” is the addiction talking.

The only way to avoid that is to understand that at the beginning you must focus on feeling good or at least better about yourself because you are working on the pulling. And writing down a number every day and focusing on improving the numbers and seeing them get lower each month that goes by, will keep you motivated. Knowing that you could feel proud the next day or next week is motivation. Knowing that judging yourself along the way is simply the addiction talking will keep you motivated.

It is NOT YOUR FAULT you have Trich or skin picking disorder. But it is your responsibility to face it. When you say, “I don’t care” to give yourself temporary permission to pull you are lying to yourself. Of course you care. That doesn’t mean you can always stop in that moment but you care. Pulling for all intents and purposes is an addiction. And you are a slave to it. So care about THAT. It’s NOT, I am bad, what’s wrong with me, it’s more, This is costing me a lot and is keeping you from living the life you want. That’s why I care.

Above all else do not beat yourself up. Do not ask yourself WHY over and over again or What is wrong with me??. (Answer: Because you have trich or CSP. There is no other reason.)

One cannot recover without shifting the center of motivation from hair to how I feel about myself, how this affects my life. Because the hair takes time to grow. If it’s about the hair everyone fails. Because it’s too easy to say that, well it looks like shit now so I may as well pull.

That is pretty much why people can’t recover: Well my hair or lashes and brows or face looks like shit anyway (thus there will be no immediate payoff) so I might as well pull.

Imagine a person who weighs 350 lbs trying to lose weight. All they have is the scale to help them to see they are losing weight. They can’t see it on their body right away. All you’ll have for now is those numbers going down. This person who weighs 350 lbs must be proud that they are undertaking the journey. No new clothes shopping now perhaps. Maybe they don’t feel pretty. But they are achieving a goal. Of lower numbers on the scale. And they can and must feel good about in order to keep going.

At the end of this thing you will have your hair. But at first make it your business to have lower numbers one month to the next and prepare for those inevitable bad days and they need not take you down.

I KNOW that you can recover from pulling. And believe me, I never thought I could either. But now I know different. The only substitute for pulling is self-acceptance and self-love, self-care and setting boundaries. Read Radical Acceptance. Read Codependent No More. And since it should be said, Take a day or night off just for you.  Exercise. Eat healthy good. Sleep well. Say NO once in a while.  Don’t remain friends with people who are takers. Don’t wait till you stop pulling to live life and to enjoy life. I’ll be happy to answer questions here if you have them.

 

Claudia Miles

The Bipolar Coaster

My bipolar roller coaster in a nutshell …. I’m just holding on tight, enjoying the ride, and doing my best to level out. I am way better than a few years ago, but I still have ups and downs. My super talkative, productive hypomanic self is coming out right now. I know it freaks out a lot of people who know me and think I am not acting like myself. I am thankful I am in touch with reality and have realized what is happening. It is a welcome change from the overwhelmingly gloomy and exhausting postpartum depression I have been in for the last 10 months. To anyone with a mental illness, I empathize with your struggle. Although each of us suffers in our own way, we have similar feelings.

The Bipolar Disorder Definition of “I’m Fine”

Gabe Howard

Social etiquette is an important thing for society, and that includes such things as asking, “How are you?” when we greet others. As a person with disorder, I dont’t have any special exemption from answering that question in any way other than, “Fine”.

There are three main moods that most people with bipolar will experience at any given time: bipolar mania, baseline, and depression.  As we all know, “fine” can mean different things, based on our moods. Here are my truthful answers based on each of those moods.

Bipolar Mania: How Are You?  

When I am manic (not very happy, not excited, not hypomanic), there is only one truly honest answer to the question: “I am a god from the planet Awesome. I’m better than you. And I can shoot happiness from my eyes into your soul.”

Then, over the next five minutes, in dramatic and rapid fashion, I will tell you my amazing plans. I’ll tell you how to fix everything wrong with the world, and what incredible, exceptional, and amazing rock-star caliber thing I am getting ready to do. At some point, I will forget what I’m talking about and rush off to do said rock-star caliber thing and — who knows? — I may actually succeed.

I will make no sense, but trust me when I say you’ll love it – and me – right up until it goes horribly wrong. That generally happens around the next morning, long after everyone has gone home.

Bipolar Depression: How Are You?

The more depressed I am, the less likely you are to get any answer at all, both because I simply won’t have the energy and because I’ll be holed up alone somewhere away from your ability to ask. But, if we did come into contact and I did have the energy to answer, I would tell you I feel nothing.

Describing “nothing” is difficult and confusing. There is no analogy that is truly fitting. It can’t be described as the absence of something, much in the same way describing darkness as the lack of light doesn’t really help someone understand.

Specifically, I say: “I have no energy. I have no desires. If I were to die right here, right now, I wouldn’t care, mainly because I lack the motivation to care one way or the other. I feel nothing for myself. I feel empty, as does the world around me. I feel abandoned, alone, and broken. I have no belief in future happiness, nor any recollection of happy times in the past. And all this seems perfectly normal to me.”

Bipolar Baseline: How Are You?

Depression and mania are symptoms that anyone with bipolar disorder has experienced to some extent. However, living in recovery, which is the goal, means I spend most of my time in the middle. My moods still exist on a spectrum, but the spectrum is a lot narrower. My depression is manageable and I’m able to continue moving forward, even if at a slower pace.

I am still excitable, but mania is almost completely wiped out. I function, day to day, pretty much the same as everyone else, just with a chronic health condition to manage. This takes work, but life for most people takes effort. This is just my lot.

So when someone asks how I am, you might be surprised to know that the answer, nine times out of ten, is “traumatized.” My exact answer would be:

“I’m scared, worried, and I know that I’m going to get sick again and be left alone or be a burden to my loved ones. The emptiness I’ve felt, the suicidal feelings, the loss, the abandonment, and the failure are still living inside me. Since the illness is still with me – albeit controlled – the potential for it to come back and torture me again is very real. And that terrifies me.”

The reality is that my daily life is hard because I have to move forward with the trauma of my past weighing me down. I am scared of ending up back where I started. I’m scared of losing everything. I’m scared of hurting myself or others emotionally. I’m scared of making my granny cry again.

So that’s why I answer, “Fine.” It’s the easy answer. But never has a little word carried so much hidden meaning.

Please Note: Gabe is writing a book about a regular guy living with bipolar and needs your support. Pre-orders available and much more. Check it out by clicking here.

blogs.psychcentral.com ·

 

July’s Progress

After looking over my progress chart for the month I see less good days, more ok days, and less bad days then June.  Although I wish there had been more good days, I am relieved that there were only 3 bad days (and those were only 7’s, which is my ‘best’ bad day).  No 8,9, or 10’s is reassuring because those days are really hard to come back from both mentally and in the amount of damage I do to my hair.  I have some new growth up top, but it’s aggravating how slow it’s coming in.  I’m taking biotin to support growth, but my poor follicles are so damaged.The curly girl method has helped with my dry hair and scalp so maybe that will be good for my follicles..hopefully.

I’ve included my progress over the last 3 months for a comparison.

May’s monthly totals:
Score 0 1 2 3 – 4 5 6 – 7 8 9 10
# of Days 1 2 2 18 -1 3 4 – 0 0 0 0
Good = 23 Ok = 8 Bad = 0

June’s monthly totals:
Score 0 1 2 3 – 4 5 6 – 7 8 9 10
# of Days 0 1 0 11 – 5 4 3 – 4 2 0 0
Good = 12 Ok = 12 Bad = 6

July’s monthly totals:
Score 0 1 2 3 – 4 5 6 – 7 8 9 10
# of Days 3 1 1 4 – 7 7 5 – 3 0 0 0
Good = 9 Ok = 19 Bad = 3