What is the value of talking therapy? How does it differ from a conversation with a friend? Does it actually work? And, more to the point, ‘Would it work for me?’ If you have been asking yourself these questions, read on to find out about what talking therapy can offer.
Have you watched those movie scenes in which the therapist is depicted as a detached listener who nods and makes vague noises while the attractive lead speaks? If so, you may feel sceptical about the value of talking therapy. These days, there are many different psychological therapies available, and this may give you the impression that talking therapy is outdated.
What you may not know, is that talking therapy draws upon some of the most sophisticated social processes that take place in human interaction. Its positive effects are supported by neuroscience, that is, the study of how the brain works. Here are seven benefits of talking therapy.
In this article, the word therapist is interchangeable with counsellor and psychotherapist, who may all provide talking therapy. Find out more about the types of mental health professionals.
1. Attunement: The experience of being heard
We all know that it’s so much easier to talk when someone shows a genuine interest in what we have to say. In therapy, you will have your therapist’s full attention. This can be a healing experience in itself. In a research study, some people reported that they had never been listened to in this way before (Weger, 2014).
Attunement, the experience of having someone ‘tune in’ to us, creates a process of limbic resonance in the brain, whereby two people’s emotional states match each other. This creates the lovely feeling of being seen, heard and understood.
Parental attunement is an important factor in children’s emotional development and sense of self. If you lacked sufficient experiences of being attuned to in childhood, talking therapy can provide a reparative experience in this respect, with far-reaching positive psychological effects.
2. Mentalisation: Reflecting together
Even though your therapist is an attentive listener, talking therapy is not a one-sided affair where you do all the talking. He or she will engage with you and encourage you to reflect on the things you share. It’s like having a supportive, thinking mind alongside your own to help you articulate and make sense of your thoughts and feelings.
Your therapist might ask questions like “How did that feel?” or “How did it impact you?” Reflecting together in this way increases our capacity for mentalisation.
Mentalisation, the skill of understanding our inner experience, helps create emotional resilience. Young children lack mentalisation skills (hello, tantrums!). These skills are picked up through a joint process of reflecting together with an adult, who can adequately name the child’s ‘big feelings’ and help soothe them. In time, the child learns to understand and manage their feelings on their own.
In the past, less was known about children’s emotional needs and not all of us have had a chance to learn robust mentalisation skills. The good news is that it’s never too late!
When we become familiar with our emotional states and know how to manage them, they do not overwhelm us. Instead, we can allow our feelings to help us think about what we need. This allows us to develop self-compassion and find resources for support and self-care.
3. Enrichment for the brain
Part of talking therapy involves processing our feelings around a memory or personal story. We may explore a lived experience from different perspectives, and perhaps imagine new possibilities for ourselves.
Each thought creates new connections in the brain, known as neural pathways. Talking therapy provides plenty of opportunities for these new connections to strengthen. Over time, this process of neural integration facilitates change.
Louis Cozolino (2017, p. 22) writes: “Psychotherapy can be thought of as a specific type of enriched environment that promotes social and emotional development, neural integration, and processing complexity.” Some therapists use creative methods in their work, which further increases opportunities for enrichment.
Reflective activities such as journaling in between sessions can further deepen the reflective process, strengthen the new brain pathways and consolidate new habits and insights.
4. Validation and containment: The power of words
Words are powerful. Saying something out loud is different from thinking about it in our heads. When we say it out loud, we can hear it in a different way. Sharing our story with another person gives it shape and makes it more real: now, we both know what happened.
Having a personal experience witnessed in therapy in this way is validating and can be an important part of the process of letting go of shame or grief.
The words received in response can be equally powerful. Simple empathic statements may be: “That was really hard for you. You’ve carried this pain for a long time.” Such words of support create containment, the experience of being held through the emotional support of another, as if by an invisible structure, as we work through our experience.
Finally, naming our feelings can put them on the emotional map, metaphorically speaking. Thus, this can turn them from free-floating anxiety into something we can know and understand. As we have seen, interpreting our inner experience through mentalisation can make our feelings less scary. From there, it becomes easier to navigate – just like having a map!
5. Calming the stress response
Recall a time when you felt criticised or humiliated and how that felt in your body. Did you get a rush of heat to your face, or a sense of shrinking inwardly? Now recall a time when someone spoke kindly to you. How did that feel?
When we are criticised, the brain activates our stress response. By contrast, a kind tone of voice has a calming effect on our nervous system.
Verbal communication is directly connected to our physical experience. Human brains are designed to notice subtleties in tone of voice, in order to determine threat or safety.
When we feel seen, heard and understood (attunement, remember?), we begin to relax as the signals in our brain communicate a sense of safety to the whole organism. This settles the stress-driven fight-flight system and activates the body’s social engagement system instead. Therapy can be a safe space to talk about our emotional experience, which can ultimately help us heal.
6. Seeing the bigger picture
Imagine standing at the top of a mountain, with a full view of the landscape below. Exploring our life story in therapy can be a bit like climbing a mountain. On the way up, you can only see so far.
Sometimes, we have only diffuse recollections of certain periods or events in our lives. Perhaps at the time, we just tried to pull through. While this need not be a problem, the downside is that such events sometimes continue to affect us, by shaping our beliefs about ourselves, others, and how we relate to people and situations in general.
Talking therapy can help us see the bigger picture. We can place important events in context, and make links between past and present. Gaining insight and awareness into our life experiences is a bit like sorting images into a logical order. In therapeutic language, this is known as creating a ‘coherent narrative’. Of course, this also helps us appreciate how far we’ve come!
7. A different type of relationship
You may not always feel comfortable talking to those closest to you about what you’re going through. No matter how much they care, it’s difficult to see a loved one suffer, and it can be difficult for people to know what to say.
Therapy is different from talking to family or friends because there is no mutual exchange of personal information. This may feel strange at first. It is normal to think about your therapist’s well-being; you may worry that you’re burdening them or fear that your problems are ‘too much.’ But it can also be a great relief to know that therapy is a space just for you.
Over time, you will get to know your therapist in a different way. You may discover that the connection that you have with them is an important part of what makes therapy helpful – this is precisely what research has found (Carey et al, 2012).
In conclusion, talking therapy can have far-reaching beneficial effects on our emotional experience, brain chemistry, and overall life story.
This article was written to provide an insight into some of the benefits of talking therapy. Talking therapy may not be the best option for everyone. If you’re unsure, it can be good to talk to a few professionals, to find the type of therapy that will suit you best.
References:
Carey, T., Kelly, R., Mansell, W., and Tai, S. (2012). What’s Therapeutic About the Therapeutic Relationship? A hypothesis for practice informed by Perceptual Control Theory. The Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, 5 (2-3).
Cozolino, L. (2017). The Neuros
— Read on www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/7-hidden-benefits-of-talking-therapy
Tag Archives: growth
Psalm 91-Comforting
bible.com/bible/392/psa.91.14-16.CEV
Change
Change Requires Making Choices
It’s not enough to want to change. It’s not enough to desire to change. It’s not even enough to say, “I have a dream of changing.” Dreams are worthless unless you wake up and actually act on them. You’re not going to change the defects in your life until you choose to change.
How are you going to be different in six months? Are you going to be emotionally stronger? Are you going to be mentally sharper? Are you going to be physically healthier? Are you going to be spiritually deeper?
It isn’t going to happen automatically. You aren’t just going to get healthier by accident in any category of your life. A lot of times we think we’re waiting on God to change us. You’re not waiting on God. God is waiting on you.
There is no growth in your life without change. And there is no change without loss. You’ve got to let go of some old stuff. And there is no loss without pain.
Some of you are stuck right now because you haven’t learned how to let go. That’s a choice. (Ephesians 4:22)
You might say that your defects are biological or sociological. Some of them are from your circumstances or your chromosomes. But it doesn’t really matter where they come from. You need to deal with it. Genetics explains your inclinations, but it doesn’t excuse your sin.
Here’s the good news: Once you become a believer, you have a new power in you that is greater than those old tendencies. That power is the Holy Spirit.
Does that mean you are supposed to be afraid of God? Of course not! Be afraid that you’ll miss God’s best and waste your life. Be afraid that you will go your entire life and never know God’s purpose.
The secret to changing your life is not willpower. It’s God giving you the will and the power through the Holy Spirit to do what needs to be done.
This devotional © 2014 by Rick Warren. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
New Patterns
A New Pattern Of Living
“We suspect that if we do not use what we have, we will lose what we have.”
Basic Text p. 75
Addiction gave a pattern to our lives, and with it a meaning – a dark, diseased meaning, to be sure, but a meaning nonetheless. The program gives us a new pattern of living to replace our old routines. And with that new pattern comes a new meaning to our lives, one of light and hope.
What is this new pattern of living? Instead of isolation, we find fellowship. Instead of living blindly, repeating the same mistakes again and again, we regularly examine ourselves, free to keep what helps us grow and discard what doesn’t. Rather than constantly trying to get by on our own limited power, we develop a conscious contact with a loving Power greater than ourselves.
Our life must have a pattern. To maintain our recovery, we must maintain the new patterns our program has taught us. By giving regular attention to these patterns, we will maintain the freedom we’ve found from the deadly disease of addiction, and keep hold of the meaning recovery has brought to our lives.
Just for today: I will begin a new pattern in my life: the regular maintenance of my recovery.
Regrowth Facts
MOST people DO have the capacity for hair regrowth. Most TTM people who do not think that their hair will regrow is because they HAVEN’T been in recovery LONG enough, so they think it won’t fill in, so they actually keep pulling. According to Dr. Novak, the LARGEST % of people HAVEN’T damaged their follicles enough to stop regrowth.
Peach fuzz or thinner than normal hair is a GREAT sign because it means your follicle IS still ALIVE! It does also mean it is temporarily traumatized, and that your hair is in a state of HEALING. Peach fuzz is a precursor to regular size hair, just as in babies.
Kinky hair also is a GREAT sign because it means your follicle IS still ALIVE! It does also mean a temporarily traumatized follicle, and that your hair is in a state of HEALING. The waiting game is LONG for these to go back to straight. One trichster said, “I have hair almost to my waist, and as I have changed my head criteria, I have foot long hairs that are at least 6 inches of kinky before they went back to straight.”
So, it is not an overnight process. Pulling out the kinky hairs is a mistake because you are actually making them more kinky each time, and traumatizing the follicle more each time – so it will take that much longer for it to go back to straight. It is possible, although NOT likely, that kinky hair might stay that way. In other words, for MOST people, once it is kinky, it WILL eventually go back to normal. (It is the eventually that we have a hard time with.) If your hair is growing in white, it will probably change back to its regular color after awhile. Means the color sac is (usually temporarily) traumatized, and will eventually start producing color again. Age also was a factor in this. I have also had this experience. Some of my hairs go 1 inch and half Grey before changing back to dark brown. Again, a small % of people could permanently experience loss of
color – usually older people closer to the normal graying age.
Myths vs. Facts
Myth – There is a pervasive, erroneous worry out there that “root” pullers damage their hair more than the “other” pullers.
Myth – If/ when you pull and get the “white” thing, you won’t get their hair back, or higher probability that you won’t get your hair back..
FACT – If the hair comes out, the root IS out, and ALWAYS is out, no matter what is attached to it.
FACT – It DOESN’T matter anyway, because the old root DOES NOT generate the new hair.
FACT – The MAJORITY of us can have TOTAL regrowth!
FACT – VERY IMPORTANT – What you may or may not see attached to the root has NO affect on possibility for regrowth. It is NOT a sign of permanent damage! People see all kinds of weird things on the roots – and there are tons of things that go in that make the root look different at different times in the growth stages – size, shape, color, stuff attached to it, etc.
FACT – Pulling lots of the white things means you are pulling all the “Youngest” hairs. It may mean it takes longer for those hair follicles to gear up again since they normally wouldn’t regrow until that hair died and fell out naturally.
FACT – Pulling the kinky hairs will probably make them even more kinky – further SLOWING down the healing process for that follicle.
FACT – Pulling the extra thin (peach fuzz) hairs makes the healing process START over, you would have to get a new extra thin (peach fuzz) hair, before you could get a regular hair, so you are SLOWING down the
healing process.
FACT – You can see above how our own pulling patterns can make us think we are not getting our regular hair back, when in fact we ARE!
RECOVERY TIME FRAMES
Different areas of hair have different chances for recovery speed.
Lashes – FULL recovery, some people can get them in 6 months, if you have been pulling for years and years – could be 2-4 years.
Eyebrows – FULL recovery, can be slower than Lashes – this is an area more easily damaged and does not regrow totally back for some people.
HEAD – FULL recovery, 2-6 years for Normal Hair! Think about it, your hair only grows 1/4- 1/2 inch a month, and you have to wait for each hair pulled to start its growing cycle again. Plus, if it is growing in kinky or “peach fuzz”, you have to wait a long time (my experience 6 months), for that phase to change back to regular hair. And then you have to grow length again. I think the Doc’s time frame also takes into account people who are in the process of recovery, and having occasional pulling relapses.
On possible damage forever – Even in this chance, it would be pretty rare for someone to be able to damage ever follicle on their entire head! There are usually physical signs on your skin (not the pulled out hair) if you have permanently damaged follicles. If you had scabs and scars, that could be a sign for those particular spots of possible permanent damage. You would STILL have to wait to recover from TTM behaviors, and stop picking at those areas for MONTHS before you would know for sure. Female pattern baldness areas are the easiest permanent damage area, and some people in recovery do have thinning and damage in those areas. But again, that is not the experience of MOST people! You can’t even begin to evaluate that until you have been pull free for months to years!
HAIR BIOLOGY
2a). The white thing is NOT the root, it is the Root Sheath (surrounds the root) – also sometimes called the bulb. The white thing is only present in Growth Stage 1 of hair (the youngest stage).
*The root sheath is what drives me wild. I can’t stop until I find one with that thick clear coating around the root. I can often feel them as those are the hairs the itch the most or are extra wiry. Of course after I find one I just want more. Its always just one more…but it’s never only one more.
2b). The part you pull out is the root. The root sometimes has the white root sheath around it, sometimes NOT. Sometime the root will have other things on it, including a black bulb.
2c). If you pull out your hair, you usually can see the root. It looks very different at different growth stages. It
is the rounder part at the bottom – but how round or oval it is varies depending on the growth stage. Sometimes it is so round it looks like an onion with a stalk, where the root is the onion. Sometimes it is so
straight, the root is just the 1mm at the bottom (it is big enough to see). If you see the white bulb, the root is under the bulb, more towards the bottom. Sometimes there are other types of cells attached to the root, which can be different colors, or different textures, some kind of see-through, some not. If you see an “ink spot” at the bottom, that is probably because you also have a root sheath or attached cells looking “white” or “lighter color” – and are seeing the “black ink spot” at the bottom which is just a spot of the root without the root sheath. i.e. like looking at the end of a hot dog (root) sticking out of the bun (root sheath).
2d). Normally, when hair falls out on its own, the root falls out, and the hair grows back completely. You can’t damage the root by pulling, because it is gone. The root has nothing to do with regrowth. “
Trichy Insights 