July has been a rough month for me with few good days and no pull free days until yesterday. When I go a long time without any good days I start to feel overwhelmed like the trich monster is taking over. I worry that my progress is going to be ruined and I’ll be left worse off than ever. It’s especially discouraging because I was using all my strategies that had been helping they don’t seem to be helping anymore.
Through it all I tried to stay positive and remind myself to be consistent. Logically I know the really bad times always end and it is followed by a period of less or no pulling. My life is a roller coaster of ups and downs influenced by my pulling and cycles of depression and mania caused by my bipolar disorder.
The progress is just as much about attitude as the actual amount of pulling. My outlook is way better, but I still have times when I get down on myself. Its a process and I’m relying on God to strengthen my spirit and to keep my eyes on what really matters. At the end of my life am I going think back and wish I hadn’t pulled or look back on how I lived and loved those close to me. I hope to live a life that reflects God’s love and gives hope to others. I want to make a difference in the lives of those around me. I am blessed with a wonderful family and that is what matters most, not how much hair I do or don’t have.
I have curly, frizzy, dry, puffy hair that drives me nuts. I have tried so many products to try and tame my hair and give me nice curls. I have also damaged my hair with hair dye and straightening. All of this damage and kinky hair drives me nuts. It’s one factor that leads to my pulling.
Well I’ve been feeling especially bad about my hair lately as my bald patches are growing and have been increasingly hard to hide. Also they make the summer months difficult as I try to avoid sunburn on my scalp (that is a terrible experience for anyone, but especially so for a trichster).
After hearing about the ‘curly girl method’ from various sources, I decided to give it a try. I’m hoping to revive my curls and at the same time hopefully decrease my urge to pull or at least help me like something about my hair.
To get started I went on YouTube and Pinterest and searched the curly girl method. I learned that it all started with a book titled Curly Girl: The Handbook by Lorainne Massey. I got the kindle version and have been reading it. I’ve skipped around a bit as I was eager to get started and figured I could learn the finer points as I go.
Some videos I found on YouTube were especially helpful. They are posted by waterlily716. The link below is a video that gives a great overview and helped me get started.
How to Manage Curly Hair: The Curly Girl Method
My Hair: Day 1 of curly girl method
My daughter’s hair: Day 1 (I love her curls!)
I am behind on posting my progress, but at least I have been charting. This is the longest I have every diligently tallied my pulling. In the past, I always gave up after a couple months, usually when my pulling got worse and I couldn’t face the numbers. I have learned that charting increases my awareness of my pulling and my triggers. I have made a goal to chart continually, as I believe this is a major factor in my recovery.
My goal for May was to have more good days than I did in March. My March totals were 17 good days and 14 bad day. I met my goal! This feels great, especially after not meeting my goal for April. Looking at June, I did not do as well. With a newborn, sleep deprivation, and use of caffeine I can see why I did worse. I know these circumstances are only temporary, so I am going to continue to do my best. I know things will improve once I get more sleep and go back to faithfully following the John Kender Diet.
May’s monthly totals:
Score 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
# of Days 1 2 2 18 1 3 4 0 0 0 0
Good = 23 Ok = 8 Bad = 0
June’s monthly totals:
Score 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
# of Days 0 1 0 11 5 4 3 4 2 0 0
Good = 12 Ok = 12 Bad = 6