What is the value of talking therapy? How does it differ from a conversation with a friend? Does it actually work? And, more to the point, ‘Would it work for me?’ If you have been asking yourself these questions, read on to find out about what talking therapy can offer.
Have you watched those movie scenes in which the therapist is depicted as a detached listener who nods and makes vague noises while the attractive lead speaks? If so, you may feel sceptical about the value of talking therapy. These days, there are many different psychological therapies available, and this may give you the impression that talking therapy is outdated.
What you may not know, is that talking therapy draws upon some of the most sophisticated social processes that take place in human interaction. Its positive effects are supported by neuroscience, that is, the study of how the brain works. Here are seven benefits of talking therapy.
In this article, the word therapist is interchangeable with counsellor and psychotherapist, who may all provide talking therapy. Find out more about the types of mental health professionals.
1. Attunement: The experience of being heard
We all know that it’s so much easier to talk when someone shows a genuine interest in what we have to say. In therapy, you will have your therapist’s full attention. This can be a healing experience in itself. In a research study, some people reported that they had never been listened to in this way before (Weger, 2014).
Attunement, the experience of having someone ‘tune in’ to us, creates a process of limbic resonance in the brain, whereby two people’s emotional states match each other. This creates the lovely feeling of being seen, heard and understood.
Parental attunement is an important factor in children’s emotional development and sense of self. If you lacked sufficient experiences of being attuned to in childhood, talking therapy can provide a reparative experience in this respect, with far-reaching positive psychological effects.
2. Mentalisation: Reflecting together
Even though your therapist is an attentive listener, talking therapy is not a one-sided affair where you do all the talking. He or she will engage with you and encourage you to reflect on the things you share. It’s like having a supportive, thinking mind alongside your own to help you articulate and make sense of your thoughts and feelings.
Your therapist might ask questions like “How did that feel?” or “How did it impact you?” Reflecting together in this way increases our capacity for mentalisation.
Mentalisation, the skill of understanding our inner experience, helps create emotional resilience. Young children lack mentalisation skills (hello, tantrums!). These skills are picked up through a joint process of reflecting together with an adult, who can adequately name the child’s ‘big feelings’ and help soothe them. In time, the child learns to understand and manage their feelings on their own.
In the past, less was known about children’s emotional needs and not all of us have had a chance to learn robust mentalisation skills. The good news is that it’s never too late!
When we become familiar with our emotional states and know how to manage them, they do not overwhelm us. Instead, we can allow our feelings to help us think about what we need. This allows us to develop self-compassion and find resources for support and self-care.
3. Enrichment for the brain
Part of talking therapy involves processing our feelings around a memory or personal story. We may explore a lived experience from different perspectives, and perhaps imagine new possibilities for ourselves.
Each thought creates new connections in the brain, known as neural pathways. Talking therapy provides plenty of opportunities for these new connections to strengthen. Over time, this process of neural integration facilitates change.
Louis Cozolino (2017, p. 22) writes: “Psychotherapy can be thought of as a specific type of enriched environment that promotes social and emotional development, neural integration, and processing complexity.” Some therapists use creative methods in their work, which further increases opportunities for enrichment.
Reflective activities such as journaling in between sessions can further deepen the reflective process, strengthen the new brain pathways and consolidate new habits and insights.
4. Validation and containment: The power of words
Words are powerful. Saying something out loud is different from thinking about it in our heads. When we say it out loud, we can hear it in a different way. Sharing our story with another person gives it shape and makes it more real: now, we both know what happened.
Having a personal experience witnessed in therapy in this way is validating and can be an important part of the process of letting go of shame or grief.
The words received in response can be equally powerful. Simple empathic statements may be: “That was really hard for you. You’ve carried this pain for a long time.” Such words of support create containment, the experience of being held through the emotional support of another, as if by an invisible structure, as we work through our experience.
Finally, naming our feelings can put them on the emotional map, metaphorically speaking. Thus, this can turn them from free-floating anxiety into something we can know and understand. As we have seen, interpreting our inner experience through mentalisation can make our feelings less scary. From there, it becomes easier to navigate – just like having a map!
5. Calming the stress response
Recall a time when you felt criticised or humiliated and how that felt in your body. Did you get a rush of heat to your face, or a sense of shrinking inwardly? Now recall a time when someone spoke kindly to you. How did that feel?
When we are criticised, the brain activates our stress response. By contrast, a kind tone of voice has a calming effect on our nervous system.
Verbal communication is directly connected to our physical experience. Human brains are designed to notice subtleties in tone of voice, in order to determine threat or safety.
When we feel seen, heard and understood (attunement, remember?), we begin to relax as the signals in our brain communicate a sense of safety to the whole organism. This settles the stress-driven fight-flight system and activates the body’s social engagement system instead. Therapy can be a safe space to talk about our emotional experience, which can ultimately help us heal.
6. Seeing the bigger picture
Imagine standing at the top of a mountain, with a full view of the landscape below. Exploring our life story in therapy can be a bit like climbing a mountain. On the way up, you can only see so far.
Sometimes, we have only diffuse recollections of certain periods or events in our lives. Perhaps at the time, we just tried to pull through. While this need not be a problem, the downside is that such events sometimes continue to affect us, by shaping our beliefs about ourselves, others, and how we relate to people and situations in general.
Talking therapy can help us see the bigger picture. We can place important events in context, and make links between past and present. Gaining insight and awareness into our life experiences is a bit like sorting images into a logical order. In therapeutic language, this is known as creating a ‘coherent narrative’. Of course, this also helps us appreciate how far we’ve come!
7. A different type of relationship
You may not always feel comfortable talking to those closest to you about what you’re going through. No matter how much they care, it’s difficult to see a loved one suffer, and it can be difficult for people to know what to say.
Therapy is different from talking to family or friends because there is no mutual exchange of personal information. This may feel strange at first. It is normal to think about your therapist’s well-being; you may worry that you’re burdening them or fear that your problems are ‘too much.’ But it can also be a great relief to know that therapy is a space just for you.
Over time, you will get to know your therapist in a different way. You may discover that the connection that you have with them is an important part of what makes therapy helpful – this is precisely what research has found (Carey et al, 2012).
In conclusion, talking therapy can have far-reaching beneficial effects on our emotional experience, brain chemistry, and overall life story.
This article was written to provide an insight into some of the benefits of talking therapy. Talking therapy may not be the best option for everyone. If you’re unsure, it can be good to talk to a few professionals, to find the type of therapy that will suit you best.
References:
Carey, T., Kelly, R., Mansell, W., and Tai, S. (2012). What’s Therapeutic About the Therapeutic Relationship? A hypothesis for practice informed by Perceptual Control Theory. The Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, 5 (2-3).
Cozolino, L. (2017). The Neuros
— Read on www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/7-hidden-benefits-of-talking-therapy
Tag Archives: Bipolar
Top 6 Mood-Tracking Apps for Bipolar | bpHope.com
Daily tracker apps can make it much easier to document our moods, bipolar symptoms, and habits, and to recognize trends, triggers, and patterns. Apps are
— Read on www.bphope.com/bipolar-buzz/bipolar-lifestyle-top-6-apps-to-track-your-moods/
5 Self-Help Strategies for Bipolar Disorder
You can manage symptoms of bipolar disorder on your own, in addition to professional support. Here are some of the best self-care strategies.
— Read on psychcentral.com/lib/self-help-strategies-for-bipolar-disorder
10 Ways to Keep from Feeling Overwhelmed
1. Let it go.
Whether it’s a critical remark from someone that is gnawing at your insides or an added task that you took upon yourself and now it’s causing you to feel overwhelmed, just let it go. There are few matters that are worth losing sleep over. And there are few things that can’t wait until tomorrow. Or next week. Or even longer. Your health is more important than holding onto what is stressing you out.
If you supervise others, practice the art of delegation and allow others to share the load. Know what you do best and hand off the rest to others who can do those jobs better than you. You are only one person. Cut the drama by cutting your schedule.
2. Sleep on it.
Your mom might have told you years ago to “sleep on it” when you were faced with making a difficult decision. That’s great advice when it comes to not only important decision-making, but to anything that might overwhelm you, such as responding to an accusatory email or angry voice message, or committing to one more task that will leave you overextended.
Studies show that the brain actually processes situations more thoroughly while you sleep. That means you wake up with a fresh – and often less emotional – perspective. Sleeping on it is the breather that will help you gain perspective and cool the heat of your emotions so you don’t overcommit to something spontaneously or out of guilt.
3. Commit to the three E’s.
I call them the Essential E’s: Eat right, exercise regularly, and embrace sleep. Fueling your body with protein and nutritious food, exercising to release those feel-good endorphins (as well as keep your heart healthier), and embracing opportunities to take a power nap or get a good seven-eight hours of sleep each night will keep you feeling fresh, rather than fatigued and overwhelmed.
When you eat right, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep, you can be at the top of your game and cope so much better when the drama of life hits. When we are emotionally spent, it’s usually because we are physically and nutritionally spent as well.
4. Stay out of it.
We often start feeling overwhelmed when we’ve extended ourselves a little too far when it comes to helping others. It’s called enabling – or “rescuing” – and women are great at it. But just because something happens in your sphere of influence doesn’t mean you are the one to run to the rescue and fix it. Just because you are made aware of something doesn’t mean God is assigning it to you. Much drama – and feelings of anxiety – can be avoided when you get in the habit of running your schedule past God first. It looks like this:
1) Stop
2) Seek God’s guidance
3) Stay out of it unless God gives you a clear indication to step into it. We often reverse that. We think I will do this unless God stops me. If you’re already overscheduled, think this way instead: The answer is no unless God says “go.”
5. Trust God to control what you can’t.
My friend, Donna, learned recently that the more she rests and trusts, the more God goes to bat for her. She had just learned of her mother’s sudden death in a car accident and felt the pull to leave her business to travel and be with her family and help make final arrangements. But although her heart was saying You need to go, her head was saying It’s a busy month, you can’t leave… you have to be here to keep things running smoothly. In the midst of the mental battle, she listened closely for God’s voice: Trust Me. Go do what you need to do.
Donna left her business in the hands of capable people and trusted God with the rest. When she returned a month later, she discovered her business experienced its highest grossing month on record! Then when she stepped away from her business a second time – this time for two months after receiving a breast cancer diagnosis – her business experienced its best two months ever, financially. God was affirming to her, again, the principle that He can take care of more while we rest than we can while we stress!
6. Stop trying to please everyone.
I’m sure at one point you knew clearly who the priority people were in your life. But that can get fuzzy when we are trying to please too many people, which is often the case when we begin to feel overwhelmed.
So stop being a people-pleaser and realize who matter the most in your life. Who are the people who will cry the most at your funeral? Put them first. Make everyone else take a number and wait in line. In short, that’s the simplest way to live without regrets. Priority people get the first and best of your time. Everyone else will simply have to learn to wait.
7. Pray it through.
When you start to feel overwhelmed, talk to God about it. Just giving Him your concerns will help usher peace into your life and give you a little more clarity. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand…” (NLT).
You can experience that peace, not a feeling of being overwhelmed, when you pray about what is pressuring you. Praying is equivalent to taking an intermission. It quiets your soul, clears your mind, and teaches you to leave your concerns with God, who is better at taking care of them anyway.
8. Get outdoors.
There is something therapeutic about getting outdoors, breathing the fresh air, and noticing the beauty of creation (even if it’s just some trees that line the sidewalk outside your office building).
Getting out into nature reminds us that “the earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it” (Psalm 24:1) and it makes us realize that the petty things of this earth that overwhelm us don’t really matter in the scope of eternity.
9. Reduce the clutter.
Do you realize that just by cleaning off your desk, getting rid of too many clothes in your closet, or clearing the kitchen counter can help you feel less overwhelmed? Everyone needs a clean, clear space to think, work and exist. Where is yours?
When there is less clutter, there are less choices to make and less time spent trying to find things that get lost in the mess. How many times have you lost your keys right as you are trying to leave the house? Keeping all belongings in a designated space will prevent this issue, and save you the frustration of misplacing important items. Simplify your work or living space. It brings peace.
10. Go off the grid.
Slide 10 of 10
Imagine spending a whole day (or maybe even a week!) being inaccessible – no internet, no interruptions, no demands. Just you and the quiet. Most high-level business people need this at least one or two weeks a year in order to maintain their creativity, energy, and overall sanity. But you and I can try it in smaller chunks – like for an hour or two a day – if that’s what it takes to ease your anxiety.
The world won’t stop if you do. You’ll just get the rest you need so you can perform better when you return to your desk, computer, or cellphone. Go off the grid by carving out time periods when you cannot be reached. Shut down your computer. Turn off your cellphone. Rediscover quiet and recollect your thoughts.
We often believe that we must respond to every request, every email, and every text or voice message immediately. That not only leaves us feeling overwhelmed, but it trains others to expect us to be at their beck and call. Practice the art of being inaccessible (so you can quietly reflect) and trust God that when you take the time to rest He won’t punish you for it by making you miss important opportunities.
By Cindi McMenamin
Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker who helps women strengthen their walk with God and their relationships. She is the author of 15 books, including the best-selling When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), When You’re Running on Empty, and her newest book, Drama Free, upon which this article is based. For more on her speaking ministry, books, or free articles to strengthen your soul, marriage, or parenting, see her website www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.
Sometimes You Are Going To Feel Lost, Alone, And Directionless
Sometimes you will have to rewrite texts and e-mails thirty times before erasing everything and decide to stay in a bubble. Sometimes you feel overwhelmed by loneliness and search for comfort on the Internet. At other times, you will reach everyone who listens. Collect text or dozens of tastes on a selfie in seconds, and get excited for a split second before they feel misery again.
Sometimes you feel overwhelming emotion. You will cry until your contacts come off. You will look in the mirror as tears run down your face, and the reflection will make your stomach firmer. At other times, you will feel numb. Your mind becomes a void. You do not care about anything, let alone yourself.
Sometimes you skip your showers and let your nail polish and roots grow, because the idea of taking care of you does not even come to your mind. At other times, the little things you have taken for granted, the things that really pleased you, like sending your best friends and eating a full meal, will become invincible missions.
Sometimes you can press the alarm one, two or three times before turning it off completely so you can sleep until noon. At other times, you will fix the ceiling because the ghosts of your past are glittering around you, mocking your memories and preventing you from resting.
Sometimes you will have dark thoughts. They will sabotage themselves. They will repel the people who matter most to you. At other times, you call friends (or relatives) at two in the morning. You will catch the shoulders. They will drain all your feelings. You do not want to let go of people who take care of you. They do not want to part for a second.
Sometimes you wonder about your goal. You will feel lost, alone and without direction. And these feelings will be so insistent, a distraction from all that was important to you, will make you wonder if you will feel so forever. You will wonder if you will ever come out of the rut that caused a life of disappointment.
But even if your hope is gone, you must continue to chug. You must believe in yourself because the phrase you heard millions of times is true. It’s better. They will see the sunlight again. You will feel relieved. You will have renewed confidence. You will recognize your own value.
Climb Out of that Hole
Don’t let the weight of this world get you down. When you are in a hole, look up and ask for the help you need to climb out. Don’t stay stuck and wallow in self pity. Unfortunately this life is hard and we all have our struggles. Keep fighting and be thankful for the good things no matter how small. True joy comes from an attitude of gratitude. #tistheseason #speaklife #gracefortoday
What Not to Say
16 Signs You’re Nearing Burnout
16 signs you’re nearing burnout
Alisa, November 29, 2016, Mindfulness and Cognitive Science, Neurobiology and Behavior, Self Care, 6
Does it sometimes feel like you have to hit bottom before you can really change? You can see the warning signs…the negative effects of overcommitting yourself are probably pretty predictable. But how do you take action now? (As opposed to when your body forces you to or when the next break gets here).
Burnout often happens in a cyclical fashion. With unsustainable habits it’s always just a matter of time before your tank dwindles down to empty again. But it’s difficult to make changes to those habits when it feels like you have to choose between having fun and sustainable energy.
Hold up, do we really have to choose between FUN and WELL? Screw that. I think the choice lies elsewhere, in fact, I demand it lie elsewhere. We just might have to dig a little bit to find it.
Recognizing the patterns
The cool thing about habits is that they can be easy to spot. Trigger >> routine >> reward. It’s always the same pattern. And your patterns, though unique to you, are also easy to spot. You just have to be looking. I’ve compiled a list of common signs of burnout. These physical, mental, emotional, relational behaviors signal you’re reaching the breaking point where your system (being your life) can no longer withstand the stress of the environment. You’re a bridge just waiting to collapse.
Signs you’re approaching burnout (based on research + personal experience):
1 Trouble sleeping / falling asleep
2 Tension in back + shoulders
3 Headaches
4 Hard time waking up in the morning (even after a full night’s sleep)
5 Lack of interest in normal activities
6 Low energy
7 Trouble focusing / easily distracted
8 Trouble regulating behavior (outbursts, losing chunks of time to scrolling social media, unable to stop eating or turn off the tv)
9 Reversion to “default” behaviors (previous transformations start to unravel)
10 Easily overwhelmed
11 Down / depressed mood
12 Easily frustrated
13 Prone to ruminating on interactions with others
14 Crying more than usual
15 Trouble identifying “why” you feel sad, angry, tired, etc.
16 Pulling away from friends / family
And I’m certain I’ve missed some.
Now if you’re experiencing these “symptoms”, there is no need to panic. This is a diagnosis or anything like that. My hope is that by looking at this list you will see that some of the things you do that are just a “normal part of life” are actually signs that you aren’t handling the stress you’re under well.
See, it’s not a choice between “fun” and “well” – it’s the decision to raise the bar on what fun really is.
Take action
Don’t let this be something that becomes “oh that’s interesting” and on you go. Choose right now to set a higher standard for the “fun” you let in your life.
The greater the responsibility you have to perform at your best, the more resolute you must be in your standard for wellness. From your nutrition to your free time, the stuff you do needs to set you up for better performance. Your classroom, your clients, your patients – they need you operating at your capability. Which means they need you well, not the bare minimum of “functional.”
1 Take time to write down your personal signs of declining wellness and what you currently do to cope with it — scrolling, tv, declining invites, dessert, hyper-cleaning or organizing, etc
2 Choose one of your go-to habits for coping with stress and get curious about it. Every time you see yourself doing it or feeling the compulsion, ask yourself why that might be happening and observe does this actually make me feel how I want to feel? Am I really getting what I’m looking for?
3 Develop a routine or ritual to go through when it’s been a long day – something that will help you feel the way you really want to feel. Read more about this step here.
Unconditional Love
Jesus loves me unconditionally. Therefore, I have not earned His love nor could I earn His love. I cannot be separated from His love.
When I obey Him, God will bless me. When I disobey Him, there will be consequences. Jesus may not like my behavior, but He always loves me.
Because I have experienced God’s love, I know that I am lovable. I know there are people who could love me too. Therefore, I am able to trust people who love me. I am confident in my worth based on the love of Jesus.
from Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer
Hope in the Dark
Life Church
HOPE IN THE DARK—1
WHERE ARE YOU, GOD?
WHY DOESN’T GOD SEEM FAIR?
How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save? 3 Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrongdoing? … Habakkuk 1:2-3
Habakkuk: to embrace or to wrestle.
Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrongdoing? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. 4 Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails … Habakkuk 1:3-4
HABAKKUK’S PROBLEMS WITH GOD
1) You don’t seem to really care.
2) You aren’t doing much when you could.
3) What you are doing, doesn’t seem fair.
GOD’S RESPONSE
“Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” Habakkuk 1:5
“I am raising up the Babylonians, that ruthless and impetuous people, who sweep across the whole earth to seize dwellings not their own. 7 They are a feared and dreaded people … 9 they all come intent on violence …” Habakkuk 1:6-7, 9
A committed believer can both WRESTLE with honest questions and EMBRACE a genuine faith in God.
Lord, are you not from everlasting? My God, my Holy One, you will never die. You, Lord, have appointed them to execute judgment; you, my Rock, have ordained them to punish. 13 Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrongdoing. Why then do you tolerate the treacherous? Why are you silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves? Habakkuk1:12-13
“What if honestly acknowledging your doubts is your first step toward building a deeper faith? What if embracing your secret questions opens the door for a maturing knowledge of God’s character? What if drawing closer to God, developing genuine intimacy with him, requires you to bear something that feels unbearable? To hear him through an ominous utterance, to trust him in the moment of doom, to embrace his strength when you’re weak with a burden? What if it takes real pain to experience deep and abiding hope?”From Hope in the Dark
Talk It Over
Read Habakkuk 1:2-4. Describe a time when you found yourself wrestling with God.
During a time that was (or is) difficult, how did you (or do you) continue to embrace God in the middle of the trial?
Who do you have around you to pray with you and support you? How can they be praying for you right now?
Trichy Insights 